Three Weeks to Thirty!

The title is pretty self explanatory.  Three weeks from today I will say farewell to my 20s forever.  I plan on doing this with grace.

Growing up, I was always the youngest of my friends so that being said, I’ve seen many of them hit this mark earlier in the year or last year and so far, none of them have had a nervous breakdown, that I’m aware of.

I’ve always heard that “your 30s will be the best years of your life” and seeing that the last half of my 20s were, without argue, the best years of my life so far, I can’t imagine what the next decade will be like!  If I have one single fear related to this upcoming birthday, it’s that I’m terrified it will be too good!  Is that possible?

I’m coming to terms with the fact that I will no longer be able to check “24-29” on certain questionnaires, nor am I exactly where I wanted to be by this point.

We all have dreams as young ones and with the huge imagination I had as a child, I was definitely no exception.  If you asked me 20 years ago where I would be by now, this is just a glimpse of the things I would have accomplished:

  • 4 years ago I would have graduated from Vet school and would have started my own practice
  • 5 years ago I would have been married
  • 2 years ago (despite my distaste in children) I would have given birth to my first and only child, however, the likelihood of twins is very high in my family and it was always considered a huge possibility….nevertheless, it didn’t matter how many I had at once, I was only going through it ONCE
  • 4 years ago, my husband and I would have purchased a beautiful ranch house on thousands of acres where we raised horses and cattle(but never sent them to slaughter)
  • 8 years ago I would have purchased a huge plot of land somewhere and started a wildlife conservation center
  • 3 years ago, after getting my Veterinary practice up and running, I would have handed over the majority of the control to my partner so that I would be able to go back to school and continue my studies in marine biology, at this point, I would have been traveling the world’s oceans, catching, tagging, and tracking sharks
  • In the next upcoming months, I would have expanded my wildlife rehab/conservation center to include part of the gulf, where I could rehabilitate marine mammals and sharks
  • 8 years ago, I would have joined the college basketball team and continued to play throughout my entire undergrad career.  Upon graduation, I would go pro, which would help fund my Doctorate as well as the wildlife center and the big ranch house
  • 2 years from now, I would have retired from playing professional ball and devote dmy time to my work and family

I guess it’s safe to say that pretty much none of this has occurred however, I can’t be upset with myself, I have a little to show for my 30 years on this planet, just in the last decade I:

image credit: mrgarylee.com
  • Became a home owner
  • Proved to myself that people really can change
  • Got my first dog (My Piper!)
  • Got my first horse
  • Raised my first foal
  • Raised a puppy on my own (not sure how successfully!)
  • Bought my first brand new car
  • Taught myself how to cook
  • went back to school
  • learned to love myself
  • learned to control my emotions and be the person I want to be
  • learned to let my guard down, forget scars from the past, and allow someone to reach my heart, because of that I met the most amazing man who truly makes me feel like I’m special

Yeah, so, I’m not exactly where I was supposed to be by this point in my life but who cares?  Looking at these two lists side by side, I’m pretty sure I would choose the second one and do it all over again!

So, for the next three weeks, I’m going to enjoy what life has given me so far and continue to look forward to what it has to offer.  Farewell 20s, come on 30!

As it Would Turn Out, Men Just Want to Have Sex

 

(I apologize now for the fact that you may actually learn something from today’s blog)

 

Okay, okay, I’m sure I don’t have to convince anyone here that men enjoy sex (most of them at least) and it seems that a male’s love for sex doesn’t stop with humans.  I was reading something earlier about creatures that still “live” after being killed.  I know that makes no sense but I know we’ve all seen a bug twitch after being stepped on.  Turns out that snakes will still bite after their head is chopped off, frogs will still swim if you remove their brain, and a turtle’s heart will still beat after being removed from its body.

 

What I found interesting was that there are certain species in which the male will still attempt to copulate even after either his partner has been compromised or he has been forced to compromise himself.   *Sigh*  Just like a man.

 

Let’s start with spiders.

 

Much like a praying mantis, spider women are known to get a little carried away during reproduction where “a little carried away” = killing their baby daddy.  Well the spider dudes don’t particularly care for this all that much, what fun is sex if you can’t live to tell about it?  But I’m not sure that their adaptation to the rule is really all that productive.

 

Spiders have started to evolve and now have a sort of detachable zombie penis.

 

Not today sweetheart!
Photo Credit: Cracked.com

Here’s how it works:

 

Boy Spider (Charles):  Oh Priscilla, you are so beautiful, let’s get busy and make babies together!

Priscilla:  Oh Chucky, I love you so much, let’s do this!

(Charles and Priscilla proceed to get it on)

 Priscilla:  Oh Chucky dear, you know I love you but….

(Priscilla turns on Chucky dear, her giant fangs poised, she lurches towards him violently)

 Charles:  Oh HELL NO! You crazy B!  I’ll show you!

(Charles jumps away to avoid being killed, but before doing so, detaches his zombie penis which continues to pump into Priscilla’s lady parts)

 

The funny thing about this is the article I read actually said that the zombie penis works faster and more efficiently once detached.  I just don’t see how this is an accomplishment for the 8 legged boys.  How many men would rather have their man parts removed and live a life of shame than just get it over with and die doing the dirty deed?  Seems like a good way to go to me!

 

Of course, we women don’t care either way around, even spider ladies get to have their toys!

 

Okay and what about fruit flies?  It seems that after you chop the heads off of a female fly, the males will still attempt to mate with the headless body.

 

There are so many things wrong about this.  This just goes to show that men really don’t care about a woman and her brains; they just want a good body and a nice piece of tail!

 

However, the study did say that the female fruit flies will refuse the males advances because they view them as nothing more than a “noxious foreign stimuli”.  Sounds about right!

 

Girl Power!

Happy Birth-a-death-a-versary?

I’m super busy today at work so I had to come up with something pretty short and rather un-creative.  I still think it’s pretty interesting though.  Enjoy!

 

Apparently April 30 has historically been a pretty exciting day!

 

For starters, my best friend that I’ve known since I was 5 years old turns 30 today.  I want to wish her a very happy birthday, even though today is a stark reminder that 4 months from now I will be facing the same fate.  Thankfully, I’ve never been one to get caught up on age so hopefully I will be okay, we shall see in August how well I’m holding up!

 

It also seems that today was the fateful day that, in 1945, Adolf Hitler along with wife Eva Braun locked themselves away in a bunker and took their own lives.

 

Wow, that’s a little too solemn of a way to start a Monday now isn’t it?  Well no worries because seven years later on April 30, 1952 something extraordinary and super cool happened!  The world was introduced to what could possibly be the coolest tuber ever, Mr. Potato Head.

 

photo credit: mrpotatohead.net

The cool spud had actually been around for a few years and even got his start back when our friend Hitler was still alive but Mr. Head’s claim to fame on this day is that he was the first toy ever to be introduced in a TV commercial.  One year later he had a friend who has lovingly become known as Mrs. Potato Head.

 

I love stories about old toys; it brings me back to my younger years.  Being an only child, toys and imagination were two very important things to possess.  I remember playing in the back yard or my bedroom for hours.  Honestly, looking back on my childhood, I have to think that my parents were pretty darn lucky.  I pretty much kept myself holed up in my room or in the back yard for hours on end and rarely was I the “I’m bored’ child.

 

Here are the toys I remember having growing up:

 

  • Barbies
  • My Little Pony
  • Rainbow Brite
  • Strawberry Shortcake
  • Breyer Horses
  • Glo Worm
  • Care Bears
  • Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head
  • Cabbage Patch Dolls
  • My Buddy/ Kid Sister
  • Teddy Ruxpin and Grubby
  • Popples
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
  • Heman
  • Skeletor
  • GI Joe
  • Transformers
  • Hot Wheels
  • Micro Machines
  • Legos

 

I'm pretty sure I had every one of these!
Photo Credit: cakeplow.com

What are some of your favorite childhood toys?  I know I’m forgetting some and hopefully some of you can jog my memory.

 

If you have kids, did you pass some of your toys down to them?

Dream a Little Dream

Have you ever had a dream that is so real that it makes you physically angry when you wake up?  You can be laying there in bed, minding your own business and then BAM! The nasty dream monster decides to have a little fun and mess with your head.  What’s even worse is you still believe whatever terrible thing happened in your dream really did happen until you come fully into consciousness.

 

This happens to my mom and step dad all the time.  My mom is infamous for having very vivid dreams and most of the time they are about my step dad.  She will dream that he’s cheating on her or doing something hideous and while he’s laying there next to her in the bed, causing as little trouble as one can while asleep, she will wake up in the middle of the night screaming and yelling at him.  I’ve never personally seen this happen however I think that it has to be comical to some degree…especially for a third party.

 

I had one of these dreams the other night.  I don’t really remember the details but I know it had something to do with my boyfriend.  I know that I had moved into his house with him and we got into a fight because everything in the house was “his” and nothing was “ours” which made me feel un-welcome.  I also remember being extremely pissed at him because all he wanted to do was watch TV while I was, very loudly, packing all of my things to leave. (Typical man! ha-ha)  I also remember being extremely angry at my dog, Piper.  Apparently she had moved with me, no clue where the other two were, and she was sitting in his lap on the couch and would not come with me when I was ready to leave.

 

I reckon he’s lucky we don’t live together because I was “spitting mad” when I woke up.  So much so that it completely ruined my entire day and put me in a foul mood.  I didn’t want to speak to anyone, even after I had come to the realization that it was just a dream.

 

How in the world can we let something as simple as a dream get to us?  Is it because we are trained to believe that there is a little truth to dreams?  I don’t really know if I believe that or not but what I DO believe is that our minds subconsciously make these things up for a reason.  I don’t really know if I want to know what half of my dreams mean, I might be shocked to know what my mind is really thinking, but it is intriguing how the mind works isn’t it?

 

Did anyone ever tell you that nighttime was the brains chance to relax and chill?  Do you know how WRONG that is?

 

CAUTION:  The following paragraphs could be perceived as a science lesson and reading them may result in you actually learning something.  If you do not wish to gain any sort of intelligence then you most likely should not continue reading this post.

 

First off, did you know that the average adult has 5 dreams a night (that comes out to roughly 146,000 dreams over a span of 80 years!)?  Considering I almost NEVER remember my dreams, I found that to be a pretty shocking statistic.  That being said, I also learned today that the only time you DO remember a dream is if you are woken up in the middle of said dream.  Now that’s interesting stuff!  I always thought I was a pretty light sleeper but apparently not!

 

I guess it makes sense that the brain would continue to function as if nothing changed from day to day.  Think about it, the brain controls every function in of your body, important things like, oh I dunno, your organs.  This goes without saying (but I’m saying it anyways) but if your brain stops, your heart stops, if your heart stops, well, you know the rest.

 

There is a lot more that the brain takes care of while we are sleeping but I have to admit, all of this talk about sleep is making me want a nap!