Fish Are Friends, Not Food…Humans on the Other Hand….

First of all, I have several new followers so let me just start by telling you all a huge not-so-secret secret about me.  Yes, I have dogs, yes, I love dogs.  Yes, I have horses, yes I love horses. Yes, I pretty much love all animals(especially baby pigs)…except bees.    However, as cute and kissable as baby pigs are, and as loyal and loving as my dogs are, one group of animals stands alone as my absolute favorite animal on the face of the planet.

(I can hear my friends groaning…”Oh God, here she goes again…)

Are you ready for it?

Are ya sure?

Okay…here goes.

I FREAKING LOVE SHARKS!!!

Yes, sharks.  Those ill-behaved, ravenous, snaggle-toothed, MAN EATERS!  I love them.  I think sharks are the absolute coolest animal God ever made.  And yes, I’ve seen the latest commercial out for “Shark Week” – the one that has made quite a stir- the one that shows “Snuffy the seal” being devoured by a shark as he is being hoisted back into the wild after rehabilitation.

Yes, I laughed.  Is that bad? I’m sorry, have you not met me yet?  Hi! My name is Sam, and I’m apparently one of the most cold-hearted people on the face of the planet.

Anyways, I’m totally off base, I’m not here to talk about that commercial.

It is that time of year when our TVs and computers are flooded with news of shark attacks here and there.  It’s already started with an event that happened in Pacifica involving a man in a kayak.  Apparently a shark swam up under a fisherman in a kayak, grabbed the boat, shook it back and forth, let go, swam around in a circle, and disappeared.

People…when are we going to learn?  Seriously?  Did you not watch “Finding Nemo”?  Bruce tried to clue you in.  “Fish are friends, not food” obviously means “we are giving up sushi for something more yummy, like…oh I dunno, HUMANS!”

I get it, beaches are fun, fishing is fun, swimming is fun.  Sharks obviously agree.

And for those of you who have yet to see this….

Babies Shouldn’t Need Bucket Lists

I try to be a pretty light hearted blogger and keep people smiling but from time to time there are things that occur that I feel the need to talk about and those things shouldn’t be taken light heartedly.

 

I read a story today about a little girl named Avery.  You may or may not have heard about her, apparently she became a pretty big deal but I managed to know nothing about her until today.  She was diagnosed with something called SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) type 1 which is basically a death sentence for babies.  The likelihood of any child living past the age of two is very low.

 

After receiving this devastating news, Avery’s parents decided not to give in to sadness and pull the “woe is me” card rather, they decided to celebrate the beautiful little life they created by starting the blog “Avery’s Bucket List.”

 

The purpose of this blog is to spread awareness of SMA Type 1 and work to find a cure so that no other families have to suffer with the death of such a young child.  Unfortunately, the reason I’m becoming aware of this story is because little Avery lost her battle yesterday after spending only 5 months in this world.

 

I consider myself a pretty thick skinned person and I’ve never been shy about my lack of whole-hearted love for children but I’m not ashamed to tell you that after reading this story and the blog, I’ve found that a few tears have managed to escape.

 

I think this story hit me really hard today because of news I received from an old friend yesterday.  I actually knew today’s blog would be a somber one after speaking to her last night because I wanted to talk about what she was going through.  I started writing the story this morning and then for some reason, something told me to wait.  I guess because I needed to add Avery’s story in as well.

 

I’ve known this friend for several years now, most of my life if you want to put it bluntly.  We weren’t the best of friends growing up; we really just hung out because our moms were close and because we went to church together and Sunday School is much more fun when you have someone to pass notes to.   However, thanks to the invention of Facebook, we reconnected about a year ago and have gotten quite close.

 

She and her husband have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of their second child and yesterday morning was the day that she was going in to induce labor.  What should have been a happy day for the young family turned around in a heart beat.

 

Knowing that she reads this blog and out of respect of her and her family, I won’t go into details but there were complications during birth and her baby, who had been healthy all the way through her pregnancy, was never able to take his first breath.

 

As a Christian I know it’s not my place to ask why God allows little ones to suffer or why he puts us through the trials that he does.  It’s not my place to say that I hate it when He does this to us nor is it really my place ask for a reason or understanding.

 

But as a human, I can’t help but as “Why?”

 

I can’t imagine what it must be like to carry a little baby for nine months (or only two or three as far as that goes) only to never meet it.  I can’t imagine what it must be like to be blessed with a beautiful living angel for 5 months only to have it stripped away from you for reasons you don’t understand.  And I can’t imagine that it gets any better over time.

 

I’ve always heard people say that a parent should never bury their child.  I think that’s true no matter how old that child is; it just doesn’t seem like it should fit into nature’s plan that the youth of our lives are stripped from us in what seems like such a short time.

 

For those of you interested, I’ve posted a link to “Avery’s Bucket List” below.  I think you will find it truly inspiring but for those of you who refuse to admit you have an emotional side, you may want to wait until you are in complete privacy before checking it out.

 

Avery’s Bucket List

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

I had this funny post lined up today that included questions like “Why do eggs smell like farts?” but in light of recent events that occurred in my community, I feel compelled to be slightly more serious today.  Also, when researching the real reason why they smell so bad, I found nothing but super serious, scientific answers and it just killed my funny bone.

 

I stayed home from work yesterday for a number of reasons, the main one being that I wanted to stay at home and keep an eye on my (still sick) pup.  I called in, something I NEVER do, and in fact had full intent on working from home but for whatever reason, the internet gods were against me and wouldn’t allow it.  After two hours of talking to the IT department, I finally threw in the towel and told myself I should try to enjoy my day off.

 

I wound up taking a late morning nap around 11 and woke up to the sound of thunder in the distance, followed about ten minutes later by a torrential down pour.  I sat out on the front porch for a few minutes until I heard the storm sirens at which point I went inside to turn the TV on knowing full well that I wouldn’t have a satellite signal.  Thank goodness for smart phones and their ability to bring the internet straight to the palm of your hand!

 

Honestly, the storm didn’t seem that bad, I got several calls after it passed, people checking up on me.  My satellite came back on just in time for me to see coverage of the storm going through the town that my mom was working in and just about that time I got a panicked call from her.  The sirens were going off and they were being corralled into the store’s panic room.

 

My mom doesn’t do well in stressful situations, at all.  I’m sure she will be physically sick for a week now because of the stress she went through yesterday.  She also freaks out in bad weather, more so than the average person.  When she was small, her family was in a tornado and as her father stood in the doorway holding the door closed (or open, can’t remember which) she freaked out so badly that she actually pushed him out of the way and started running down the street, straight towards the very visible funnel cloud.

 

At that time they lived in a duplex and after her parents caught her, they locked her in the closet.  The closet backed up to the neighbors closet and the elderly woman in there spoke to her and calmed her down, as the storm passed over, the elderly woman got quiet, once it was calm my mom left her closet and went next door to thank the woman, only to find that she had not survived the storm.  I guess with all that said I can understand her anxiety.

 

I’ve lived in “tornado alley” my entire life and have yet to actually witness a tornado.  I’ve seen the destruction and damage that one can do, we even had one hit our house one time while we were out to dinner, but I’ve never actually experienced one and I can’t say that I’m upset about that fact.

 

I’ve always heard people say that it sounds like a freight train coming towards you and since I could just about stand on my front porch and throw a rock at the railroad tracks, my first thought was “How in the heck am I gonna know if it’s a tornado or a train?”  Obviously rational thinking would tell me that most likely a train wouldn’t be coming down the tracks in the middle of a tornado, but you never know.

 

Turns out, I never had to worry about it; we did have two tornadoes touch down in my tiny little town (one of them less than half a mile away) but I never saw any signs of it.  I did get a chance to see some of the destruction this morning as I was going to work; it’s really quite an amazing sight to behold.

 

Last I heard we had a total of twelve twisters in the DFW area yesterday and no fatalities.  That’s an amazing statistic. It must have been pretty big news because I even got a Facebook message from a friend who lives in Germany; apparently they heard about it all the way over there.

 

The true blessing is, at the end of the day, everyone that I know made it through safely and relatively un-harmed.  Mother Nature can be a “you know what!”

 

This one hits pretty close to home because I work in this industry and Schneider is one of our carriers. Photo Credit: KDFW TV
Damage from a tornado that hit on the Dallas side Photo Credit: Myfoxdfw.com

 

I find these things fascinating and could honestly sit and watch them for hours. I just wish they didn't cause so much devastation!

 

 

 

On to something else, I’ve actually received several messages from people asking me for an update on my Winston.  He is resting at home now but is still feeling quite awful.  Poor guy still won’t eat and all he wants to do is lay around.  He doesn’t necessarily sleep; he really just walks around in a stupor all day.  I feel better because he is no longer dehydrated but I’m still quite worried about the little terror, I think I would feel much better however, if I could just get him to eat.  The last food he ate was Thursday night and he’s lost about 12 pounds since then, which is just about 20% his body weight.  I will continue to pump medicine in him and keep my fingers crossed that he starts to feel better soon.

 

And finally, I have to touch on something else as well.  With all the drama and commotion going on these past few days, I pulled the “bad girlfriend” card and completely forgot that it was The Boy’s and my 2nd anniversary.

 

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression that I left this for the very end of the post because it doesn’t matter; it’s quite the opposite honestly.  I’m not a very mushy-gushy, emotional person but I am quite thankful for the amazing man in my life.  I’m so happy that he’s put up with me for this long and that two years later, I still get that excited feeling when I know I’m going to see him.  We make fun of each other all the time and I’m sure I’ve said something silly here before that might make someone wonder but we both have the same sarcastic, non-apologetic sense of humor and we both get each other….most of the time.

 

All in all, I’m a VERY lucky girl and I’m very well aware of that.  I hope I do a well enough job of letting him know just how thankful I am for him and his company.  Two years by far outlasts any relationship I’ve been in prior to him and I know this sounds corny but, it’s been the best two years of my life!

Everything’s Bigger in….China?

I just read a story about “little” Chun Chun, a baby born in China.  Obviously there is nothing abnormal about a baby being born in China but, what caught my eye was that this was a 15.5 pound baby!

 

Now I’ve never had any babies but I’m pretty sure carrying around a little 6 or 7 pound baby can be a little bit of a burden, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have a 15 pounder!  What is even more remarkable about this is that the article makes it a point to mention that in the past few years, there have been at least 3 other babies born in the country that weighed 15.4 pounds.

 

China trumps us again!  The Chinese have long been known to out-do the US in just about every category imaginable. Smarter kids, better technology, better military – seems there is nothing that China can’t do better.  There has been, however, one thing that we have been able to keep a handle on….until now.

 

Obesity.

 

Yes, I said it, don’t shake your head at me, we all know that the US has long been made fun of for being the fattest country in the world.  Our fast food lunches and greasy dinners quickly propelled us to our fame.  Americans are fat; it’s just a fact of life.  Obviously there are the skinnier ones but the average American weighs a whole lot more than any other country’s natives.

 

But if China continues to push out more and more little Chun Chun’s, our reputation just may be at risk.  What are we going to have as a claim to fame once obesity is no longer ours?  Well, I’m sure our government can help with that problem but that’s a discussion for another day.

 

Obviously I’m just being silly, I’m pretty sure that Chun Chun and his other big baby peers will grow up and be rather healthy and of good weight.  I think in my life I’ve only seen one “plump” Asian, outside of sumo wrestlers, and to be quite honest he was still smaller than most people walking around in my neighborhood.

 

That being said, I guess our “Obesity Award” is safe for a few more years but I warn you all, keep a close eye on China…they’re up to something!!!

 

P.S.  I just googled “Fat Chinese Baby” to find a picture for this post and the results shocked me.  Seems there is no shortage of fat Chinese younglings…then end is near my friends….the end is near.

Armageddon is now!

Note:  This should be read in a sarcastic tone.  If you think I really believe half of this stuff, you’re a moron.  If you, yourself believe half of this stuff, well, bless your heart.

 

Driving to work this morning, I heard a story on the radio that absolutely confirmed to me that the world will end this year.  I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about after all!

 

It seems that the Apocalypse is in full swing and I am so blessed that it is beginning right in my backyard!  See, the Trinity River is a pretty highly frequented body of water in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex and many parts of the towns around the river are referred to as “Trinity Something-or-Another”. People tend to spend a lot of time around the Trinity, fishing, kayaking, swimming, and whatever else one may find exciting to do in water that is so green and murky you can’t see a quarter inch below the surface.  As if river water isn’t gross enough by itself, people began seeing “dark patches” of water and began questioning exactly what it was.  So an investigation was opened and the sources of the dark patches discovered.

 

Are you ready for this?

 

The Trinity River is no longer filled with water; no…the Trinity River is now engorged with PIGS’ BLOOD!!!

 

*dramatic pause*

 

Okay, okay, so maybe engorged is stretching it a little but doesn’t this sound like something directly out of Revelations?  “And all the waters of the earth shall recede and in their place shall come forth the blood of swine”.

 

It sounds scary but it really isn’t that big of a deal.  The Columbia Meat Packing Plant is adjacently located to the Trinity River and at this time it is presumed that they have not been disposing of certain swine related body fluids properly.  Rather than using the correct containers to dispose of the blood, someone is dumping it directly into the river and thinking nothing more of it.  (I’ve seen enough rivers to know that pig blood really is the last thing I’m concerned about when it comes to what is in the water)

 

Now that I think of it, for as long as I can remember, every time I’ve crossed the Trinity River, mostly on the Dallas side, there has been a somewhat pungent odor.  Of course, I always attributed this to the fact that the Trinity River is in fact a river that has water in it (something Texans aren’t completely accustom to) and massive amounts of river water tend to stink.  Never in a million years did I think I was sniffing pigs’ blood!

 

I know that most of you are convinced that the anti-christ is Obama but I’m here to tell you all that you are wrong.  This story only confirms it.  Obviously no one in their right mind would do such a terrible thing unless they were under the direction of Lucifer, and the last time I checked, Obama was far away from Texas.

 

Dear friends, please prepare yourselves now while you have the chance.  As we speak I am stocking up on aluminum foil and Dixie cups.  Tonight I plan on fashioning a hat made out of wax paper and straw to ensure that the anti-christ can not manipulate my brain with his highly developed powers of mind control.  I also think it may be wise to start brushing up on my gardening and food preservation skills.  I think I shall also stop at the store on the way home and buy 500 cases of bottled water, a couple pallets of canned vegetables, and several bushels of wheat.

 

I can only hope that my words to you have inspired preparation.   As of now, we only have 332 days to prepare and I would hate to know that any number of my friends and loved ones didn’t make it through simply because they were un-prepared.

Did Anyone Ever Stop to Ask the Cougar if He Would be Offended?

A story came out this afternoon about a new high school in Utah that was trying to decide what its mascot would be.  The student body took a vote and the winning choice was “Cougars”.  After going through all the trouble of nominating and voting, the student body finally decided they wanted the big cat to be their mascot, presumably because of the schools proximity to BYU, Home of the Cougars.

 

Okay, so what’s so newsworthy about this?  Well seems that even though they allowed the Cougar to be an option for voting, after it was elected, school officials announced to the students that they would not allow it for fear that middle-aged women would be offended.

 

I thought it was a compliment to be called a cougar, what exactly am I missing here?

 

Am I the only person fed up with our politically correct society?  I remember when I was growing up, if something offended me or hurt my feelings, I was told to “suck it up” and get over it.  And if one of our peers did something that we found offensive and we whined to an adult about it, we were considered “tattle tales.”

 

When did we become a society of whining, spineless, snot-nosed… wussies (for lack of a better word)?  What exactly are we teaching the future generation?

 

Being politically correct is also a double edged sword.  You will always have parties on both sides of the subject that are offended.  Who exactly chooses which side gets to be babied and which one has to “man up”?

 

Take this for example:

 

Probably the biggest victim of PC is religion.  Every day Christians are being told that we are not allowed to use God in our every day lives.  We are not allowed to include God in our Pledge of Allegiance; we are not allowed to pray in public, we can’t display pictures of Christ on public buildings.  How much longer before you go to a ball game that doesn’t start out with the National Anthem?

 

And why?  Because we might offend someone.

 

Well let me tell you folks, as a Christian, I’m downright offended.  Who the heck decided that Bob the Agnostic’s views and opinions were more important than mine?  Why did I not get so much as an argument?  I’ve been out of school for a few years but I’m pretty sure I remember learning in history class that this country was founded on Christianity.  Yes, we have always been friendly and welcomed everyone that wanted to come but, they have to play by our rules.  We sure don’t have a problem with shipping people back to Mexico if they decide to come over here illegally.  Why?  Because that’s one of our rules.

 

How is it then that when Bob and all his agnostic buddies come trouncing around, breaking all our rules, we bow down and kiss their feet?  Why do we go above and beyond to make THEM happy?

 

It’s a pretty screwed up system we got going on here y’all.

 

I’m sorry if I offended anyone by anything above but…oh what am I talking about?  No I’m not!  If you find anything in here offensive, it’s your prerogative (yes, yours, not mommy’s and daddy’s, not your boss’, not congress’) to bang your head on the desk, curse my name, and never read another thing I post ever again.  And it’s my prerogative to think you are a moron.

Anyone Who Changes Their Name to Include Doo-Doo, Must Have a Head Full of Poo-Poo

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I present to you, this guy:

As if this mug shot wasn’t weird enough it gets better because, you see, I haven’t formerly introduced you to my friend here.

Faithful Blog readers, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppittybop-Bop-Bop.  Say that ten times fast!  I dare ya!!! Do it!

Anyways, obviously this guy has been arrested; no one can mistake a mug shot for an actual photo.  Actually, I wonder if anyone has tried that.  Could you imagine going to “E-harmony” and pulling up a profile only to see a mug shot?

Our friend Beezow was brought in after Madison, WI residents called the cops to complain of someone partaking in excessive drinking and drug use at nearby Reynolds Park.  Sadly, this wasn’t the first park Zoppittybop-bop-bop had found himself leaving in a cop car.  The long short of it is: he is being charged with carrying a concealed knife and possession of marijuana as well as drug paraphernalia.

Apparently this guy legally had his name changed back in October to Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppittybob-bop-bop so, my question is this:

Should they start drug testing people who want legally change their names?

I mean seriously…If you were the clerk performing this name change, would you be able to keep a straight face?  I can only imagine what the conversation would sound like.

Mr. Doo-Doo Bop-Bop: Excuse me; I would like to change my name.

Clerk:  Certainly sir, what would you like to change it to?

Mr. Doo-Doo Bop-Bop: Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppittybop-Bop-Bop

Clerk:  Okay, is that Zoppittybop-Bop-Bop with one “p’ or two?

Doo-Doo: 2, no 1, no…can I spell it backwards?

Clerk:  Well I’ve definitely heard weirder requests!

Doo-Doo: Hmm, well for now, let’s use two “p’s”, I’m thinking of adding “Zip, Zap, Zoom” somewhere in the middle so I may change the spelling when I come back

Don’t you have to pay something to have your name legally changed?  I mean, this guy literally had nothing better to do with his extra money than change his name to this?

The moral of the story kids?  Don’t do drugs!

I Know Computers are Slowing Putting the Fountain Pen Industry Out of Business BUT…..

(Leave it to the Brits)

 

Ok, so, I read this story the other day about this British woman that went to the doctor complaining of stomach pain.  When the doctor x-rayed her, they found that she had a PEN (yes, one of those old fashioned things people used to use to write with before computers were invented) in her stomach!

 

I have so many questions but first, let me re-cap the rest of the story.  It seems that this 76 year old woman had forgotten that she swallowed a felt tip pen over 25 years ago.  It wasn’t until she started experiencing abdominal pain and weight loss that she decided a trip to the doctor was in order.  Apparently she was poking at her tonsil, for whatever reason, with a pen and managed to slip, jamming the pen down her throat. 

 

How do you forget that you swallowed a pen?  Seriously?  The story did say that when the accident initially happened, she went to the doctor who did not believe her and her husband discounted her story as well.  Maybe after all these years she led herself to believe that she had dreamt the pen swallowing. 

 

This story makes me think of that show on “Animal Planet” about the crazy things that veterinarians find in the stomachs of dogs.  It’s my fear that I will be on that show one of these days with Winston.  I don’t understand how he eats some of the things he eats.  If you were to open my dog’s stomach up right now, you would find some crazy stuff, carpet, wood, glass and God knows what else.  That show is crazy though, I saw one where this couple had a new baby and they kept losing the pacifiers.  When the dog became ill x-rays showed something like 30 whole pacifiers inside this dogs stomach.  It’s crazy the trouble that dogs will get themselves into.

 

So back to the pen story, the funny thing about this story is, the most shocking discovery during this whole case was that the pen still worked after being subjected to 25 years of stomach acid.  Really?  You just found a fountain pen in grandma’s belly and you think the most exciting part of the case is the fact that the pen still works?   Granted, it is pretty cool but this doctor was in total shock and awe.

 

So my final question is this:  You know how when you have surgery and they take out a kidney stone or something and they let you keep the stones if you want?  Did granny keep the pen?  I think she should probably use it to write a Thank-You card to the doctor!