Boy Words: Volume 4

I know I usually do these on Tuesday but yesterday just wasn’t a good night for me to blog.  So to those of you who were waiting with baited breath for this weeks edition of Boy Words, I apologize, though, I find it hard to believe that anyone other than the boy was really upset.

Anyways…on with the show!

Today’s Boy Word: Cylon

Let me start by saying; pre-boy Sam hated just about anything to do with science fiction.  I just didn’t care for it.  But the boy changed my mind on a lot of things, I entered the relationship with a fairly open mind, and accepted the challenges he presented me with.  I had never seen Star Wars, for example, which was just ridiculous in his opinion and he very quickly changed that, by making me watch all of them.  And I enjoyed it to be honest.

Another of these adventures that he sent me on, was Battlestar Galactica.  I had heard of the show and I didn’t really think it was going to be worth the hype that he made it out to be.  But like the good little girlfriend I am, I watched it.

I was pretty much hooked after one episode.  I would make dates with him purely for the reason that I could watch the next episode, that’s really all I cared about, he had nothing to add to the equation, except a home cooked meal.  That’s all that matters in a relationship anyways right?  Free entertainment and food?

Anyways, for those of you who have never watched this show (and for all intensive purposes, I’m referring to the newer series that began in 2004, I’m sure the older versions are wonderful, I’ve just never seen them) Cylons are the bad guys….or are they?

The premise of the show starts out as your basic “good vs evil” type drama and continues to throw different twists in from time to time to keep you guessing and asking who is good and who is evil.

Basically, humans created robotic drones and soldiers to do their dirty work for them.  Freaking lazy humans!  There are three types of Cylon:

Raiders, basically living spaceships

source: fanpop.com
source: fanpop.com

Centurions, robot soldiers

centurion
source: fanpop.com

and “skin jobs”, the masterminds of the Cylon race that have mastered human form and, for awhile, go unnoticed as they live out their day to day lives amongst the human population.

"Six" as portrayed by Tricia Hefner, who, I just want to add, I've met in real life, and I can promise you, she is the most gorgeous woman on the face of the planet
“Six” as portrayed by Tricia Hefner, who, I just want to add, I’ve met in real life, and I can promise you, she is the most gorgeous woman on the face of the planet Source: fanpop.com

 

 

So the entire series is basically a long battle between the Cylons, whose beliefs are basically Christian, and the humans, who believe in several different deities, much like the ancient Romans or Greeks.  Because of the humans’ beliefs, Cylons see them as sinners, unpure, and feel that they do not deserve the lives they have, thus their justification for attempting to eradicate the entire human race.

And and interesting fact, for those of you that are still reading, Cylon stands for Cybernetic Lifeform Node.

So there you have it, Cylons.  I must say, I’m not overly proud of today’s edition of Boy Words,and I left out A LOT of stuff, but please don’t quit reading my blog, or future boy words…I just wasn’t feeling it today.

I’m sorry boy.

Boy Words: Volume 3

Today’s boy word: Valkyrie

Right, so let me just begin by saying, when I write blogs, it’s usually about something that I know pretty well and I really don’t have to research anything, I just talk about what I know.  I also never have the need to drink a beer in order to properly put a blog together.

That being said, I hope you all enjoy today’s well researched, drunken blog!

By definition, a Valkyrie is a figure from Norse mythology.  A feminine being responsible for deciding which soldiers in war will die, and which will live.

So in short, a Valkyrie is some chick with a thousand warrior boyfriends who kills them off when she’s tired with them.  End of blog…that was easy!….NOT!

Since I’ve known this boy for over three years now, I know that when he sent me this boy word today, he was not reminiscing about something he learned in high school history.  Nope, I knew he meant this:

The boys extensive, and somewhat cramped in my opinion, collection of valkyries and other macross....stuff. Source: an email from the boy
The boys extensive, and somewhat cramped in my opinion, collection of valkyries and other macross….stuff.
Source: an email from the boy

Wait…that’s a transformer right?  I used to LOVE that show when I was little!  I even had a few transformers of my own, yes, I was a tom boy.  This is easy, I can write a blog about all the fun cartoons I used to get up early on Saturday morning to watch, easy peasy!

Wrong!

Again, because I’ve known this boy for over three years now, I know that that most definitely is NOT a transformer, and saying so will get you in the fast lane to de-humanization.

So if a Valkyrie isn’t a war goddess, and it’s not a transformer, what the heck is it?  Well, ladies and gentlemen, prepare for your first crash course in “Nerdiness 101″…you might wanna go ahead and grab a beer for this one.

source: myanimelist.net
source: myanimelist.net

This slanty eyed dude (that’s not politically correct is it?) is Shoji Kawamori.  In 1982 (Hey!  That’s when I was born!) he created Macross, basically science fiction anime.

In this series, there is a group jet fighters that are able to transform from jets into giant, human-like robots.

The first Valkyrie was the VF-1 Valkyrie, which was made using something called overtechnology (whatever that is) from the alien spaceship SDF-1 Macross.

Are y’all bored yet?  Well grab another beer because the boy is so excited about this blog, he has sent me multiple things to research…we’re gonna be here for awhile folks.

So, the main point of the Valkyries is that they can transform.  This feature is so cool that there are actually names for each position they form into.  The robot, like this one:

Wobot!!!!
Wobot!!!!

is called a Battroid. From robot form, the Valkyrie can transform either into a jet fighter, or something in between called Ground Effective Reinforcement of Winged Armament with Locomotive Knee-Joint).  Say that three times fast!  Fortunately, you don’t have to, because this is also known as Gerwalk.

Awww look!  It has a hand!
Awww look! It has a hand!

So, the whole point of these guys is to fight aliens.  I probably could have just said “A Valkyrie is a robot/jet fighter thingy that fights aliens” and been done with the blog, but being the awesome girlfriend that I am, I threw the reputation of my blog (yeah, like there is one) in the fire and tried to do a little justice to today’s installment of boy words.

I don’t really feel like I explained anything though…sorry boy.

 

Boy Words: Volume 2

I meant to post this last night but my computer was being ridiculous and wouldn’t let me do anything last night…so here it is!

Today’s boy word: Stig

Every once in awhile I am stopped by people who are curious what this sticker on the back of my car means:

stig

For awhile, it was rather hard to explain.  Unless you were a regular watcher of programs on the BBC, you probably never would have heard of the show Top Gear. Fortunately, a little while back, America decided to capitalize on the success of this show and create and American version, making it slightly easier for me to explain, because at least SOME people had at seen it while others had at least seen commercials for it.

However, you can rarely upstage the original version of anything, and while I actually like the American version, this statement is true, the British have absolutely cornered the market on hilarious car shows.

Yes, it’s a car show.  No, that’s not normally something that I would waste my time watching but I have to say, it still remains one of my favorite series ever.  In fact, I’ve gone awhile without seeing it due to the fact that I pretty much refuse to pay for TV service, seeing as I never use it, but the boy let me borrow a couple seasons that I missed, and I had no idea just how much I had missed this show.  It’s not your average car show, at all.  They do crazy funny things, they do things that you would never dream of doing in a car, they do things like this: (I’ve never embedded a video…hopefully this works!)

Anyways, back to the point. The word is Stig, get back on subject Sam.

Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark…all we know is, he’s called the Stig.

You might have noticed a cameo performance by the Stig in the posted video.  He was the “referee”.  Anyways, the Stig is a secretive member of the cast, his identity is never revealed, and he never speaks.  From time to time, they lead the audience to believe that he isn’t a human at all, but rather a species all his own.

In reality, the Stig is a professional driver.  Someone who tests out all of the new super cars that they review on the show, drives them around the test track and sets credible records for the fastest these cars can go.

So there you have it.  The elusiveness of my windshield sticker has been revealed, thanks to this weeks episode of Boy Words!

 

Boy Words: Volume 1

I’ve really been having a lot of trouble finding inspiration for my blog lately, yet at the same time I WANT to write something.  So this evening I had this brilliant idea.  Why not start a “segment” of some kind that requires I post, at the very least, weekly?

So here we have it, a brand new segment called (for now) Boy Words.

The Boy and I pretty much have nothing in common….NOTHING.  Don’t believe me?  Here’s a few examples:

  • I love to go horseback riding
    • The Boy likes to drive fast cars on the race track
    • I like documentaries about sharks and giant squid
      • The Boy likes documentaries about aliens and Honey Boo Boo…yes, I just outed him
      • I have dogs
        • The Boy has expensive Japanese toys

So since we pretty much have no common ground and don’t really share interests in many things, there’s not much that I can include him in.  Therefore, when I came up with the idea tonight of doing a segment, I thought it was an excellent opportunity to include him in something that I enjoy doing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you “Boy Words”.  Not a very creative title, I know, but it’s a work in progress, I’m open to suggestions by the way.  The main premise of Boy Words is, I will harass the boy on a regular basis, I haven’t decided how often yet, to give me just one word and I will write an entire blog based on that word.  One word, it’s a simple task…let’s see how long before he screws it up…errr…I mean…ummm….hmmm…not really a way to back pedal out of that one huh?

Okay, without further ado, let us begin.  I promise, if I continue to do this segment, it won’t be as long as this one, I just felt I needed to let you all fully understand the reason for the birth of this segment.

Today’s Boy Word:  Minions

Seeing as Despicable Me 2 just hit theaters a couple weeks ago, and it is one of the greatest movies ever, I really don’t have to wonder too long where this word came from.  I have to admit, I was expecting something more like Storm Trooper or wookie, but I know in time, I will be forced to come up with some form of intelligent ramblings about those words, I wait with baited breath.

According to our friend Webster, a minion is someone who follows their master’s orders to the very strictest (is that really a word?  My spell check isn’t doing the squiggly line thing…hmmm, must be!) of regimes.  They are usually favored by their master because of their obsequious behavior.

In other words, a minion is a “kiss ass”.

We all know someone who fits in this category, don’t try to tell me that you’ve never worked with someone who had their nose so far up the boss’ butt their head actually protruded from his belly button.

The problem, however, with minions is that they usually are not as subservient as the boss believes them to be.  For those of us sitting on the outside, we see someone who regularly comes to work 30 minutes late, but makes up for it by bringing donuts.  Someone who takes 3,000 cigarette breaks a day, but always has the juicy gossip (because you know smokers are the world’s biggest gossipers) about the boss’ boss that gives him blackmail ammunition.  These are the people who basically do nothing all day, milking off the company’s dime, only to take all the credit once the grunt workers have slaved away in their quaint 6 x 6 cubicles.

And how the hell do minions manage to get so many vacation days?  Seriously, when I was working in Corporate America,  the only way I knew that the minions still worked at the company, was that every time the boss would get flowers or candy, it wasn’t from their significant other, it was from the minion.

In addition to vacation days, minions also have the sickest kids/parents/spouses on the face of the planet.  It’s like little Johnny has an internal time clock and as soon as mommy makes it to work, the clock goes off and BLEHHHH little Johnny throws up and has to be picked up from school.

Minions also apparently like to eat.  They love eating so much that one of the requirements in their contract states that they are allowed, at any time, without notice, to take a minimum three and half hour lunch break.  The longevity of this lunch break allows them an hour to eat, an hour to digest their food, an hour to take a nap, and thirty minutes to slowly amble back to the office for four more hours of ass kissing.

Now, thanks to Illumination Entertainment, we have a way to identify the minions in our workplaces, and tag them so that others will immediately know just what a foul beast they are dealing with.  I’ve included a picture that I drew of a Despicable Me minion, I encourage each of you to print several copies of this picture and place them on the desks, chairs, or foreheads of the known minions in your organization.

This is actually the picture that comes up on the boy's phone when I call him...awww...that's sweet.
This is actually the picture that comes up on the boy’s phone when I call him…awww…that’s sweet.