Thieving Mongrels!

Apparently, it’s a rule in society to shower on a regular basis.  Considering my mild, let’s go unnoticed, don’t draw attention to yourself, stay away from drama, personality, I choose to try my best to conform to society and shower, at least once a month or so (that was a joke for those of you who haven’t figured me out yet)  However, lately, I’ve been having trouble with showers.  Well, not the actual shower itself, my issue occurs after the shower.

My bathroom is rather small, so when I shower, I place the clothes I plan to change into, whether it be pajamas, or just a fresh shirt and jeans, on the floor next to the bathroom door.  There’s really no place to hang them, and I’ve found that placing them on the toilet, next to the shower only yields in them getting sprayed by the water. (I’m a messy shower-er..what can I say?)  The bathroom floor is clean, it’s no big deal really and its not like they are clean clothes…I have SOME decency ya know.

The last few showers I’ve taken though, when I get out to put on the new clothes, it always seems that half of them have mysteriously disappeared.  I usually go to grab the clothes and all that exists is a pair of jeans, no shirt, no underwear, just jeans.  I was perplexed by this, where the heck are my clothes going?  Do I smell THAT bad?

So, last night, as I was getting ready for my shower, I decided to do a little experiment.  I turned the shower on, took my clothes off, and placed them in the floor, just like I do every night.  Only this time, I didn’t get in the shower right away.  It didn’t take long to figure out what was happening to my clothes.

First off, let me introduce you all to my moms dog, Rowdy.

rowdy

Sweet innocent little face huh?  Don’t let it fool you, this dog is the DEVIL!  Which is why I wasn’t shocked when, sitting on the toilet, I witnessed a tiny little brown paw reaching under the bathroom door.  The paw continued to stretch, and shortly behind it, peeking out from under the crack in the door I saw a long brown snout with a wiggling, sniffing, nose.

He persisted until finally, he had managed to grab my clothes, squeeze them under the door, and scatter them all over the house.

THIEF!!!

What the heck does a wiener dog need with clothes anyways?

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Jumping Horses

So, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I have two horses, whom I love dearly.  I try not to talk about them or my dogs too much here because I could pretty much write 10,000 words in the span of a minute, and who wants to read that nonsense sort of ramble?

Anyways, I ride western.  Western horses are expected to be good trail horses, work cattle, and be agile.

Western horses are not expected to be big jumpers.

I’ve been on a couple of trail rides with Cheyenne, where we might have to jump over a large log or rail, which she usually does without too much persuasion from me, she’s a pretty good trail horse in that respect.  But I’ve never had the need to jump over a 5 foot fence, and she’s never been trained, by me at least, to jump over anything, and Stetson pretty much hasn’t been trained to do anything, because I’m lazy.

That doesn’t mean they don’t know how to jump though, as I found out the hard way last night.

At about 830 last night, I was sitting on my couch, watching TV, when my phone rang.  It was one of the clients, oddly enough I had JUST given her my number that morning.  I answered it and she said to me “Hey, Sam?  There’s a buckskin and a bay just hanging out behind the arena, are they supposed to be out there?”

The words “buckskin” and “bay” immediately caused me to respond with a heavy sigh, there’s only two horses that could be, Stetson and Cheyenne.

I wasn’t too worried about Stetson, in fact, I walked right up to him without a lead, and he followed me, no problems, until Cheyenne got it in her thick head that it was time to run around like an idiot, at which point Stetson decided to follow.

Away they went, around my house, up one side of the property, down the other, until finally they found the driveway and started booking it.  They got to the main road, made a left and hit full speed.  I never knew my horses could move so fast.  They got to the stop sign at the end of the road and, as if they knew what it meant, came to a complete stop and turned around.

By this point, one of the other clients who was out riding her horse rode up to help.  Now, picture this, a tiny young woman, riding a Shire (which for those of you who don’t know are HUGE horses and not really known for their speed and agility) trying to corral my two horses in an area where we could catch them.  I have to give credit to that Shire, she kept up with them almost as well as a professionally trained cutting horse.  Looking back on it now, it was actually a pretty comical sight.

So we finally got them calmed down, and I was able to put a lead on Stetson.  I never was worried about this, I knew once we got them to slow down we could catch him.

Cheyenne is a different story.  I love this girl to pieces, but she is infamous for taking advantage of her freedom, must be the wild spirit in her.  Thankfully, she is so attached to her son that I was able to lead him back to his stall and she simply followed and walked right in hers.

The funny thing about this situation is, I have no idea how they got out.  They were turned out in the pasture.  Every single gate on the pasture was closed, and the fence around it is probably at least 4 ft tall.  I’ve never seen either one of them jump, but that is the only logical explanation I can work out.

So I guess until I figure something out, my two kiddos are on stall rest for a few days, which I hate however, it’s a rainy day here, so I guess at least they will stay dry!

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I’m a Benadryl Mommy!

So, the parents came this afternoon to pick up their dogs, I went out and had a good dinner, and got a Redbox movie.  Sounds like the makings of a perfect, relaxing evening right?

Wrong!

You all forgot to factor in one huge factor.  My dear, sweet, lovable, never causes trouble, Winston.

I have to start off by giving Winston mad props, the entire time that our house guests were here, he really was on his best behavior.  Seems he’d been storing up all that orneriness for the moment that his Aunt Freeway and Uncles Cheech and Chong left.

I guess he thought he was helping; he started by continuously pulling clothes out of the dirty clothes hamper and bringing them to me.  Obviously he was saying “Mom! There’s clothes to be washed, get to it, chop, chop!”  But let’s be honest, it’s been a long week and I really had no desire to wash clothes tonight.

After I finally convinced him that there would be no laundry washing tonight, he decided that he needed to inform me that the water bowl was only 3/4 full.  That’s unacceptable in his eyes, water bowl should always be 100% full otherwise the remaining contents should be dumped on the floor for me to find, unknowingly, as I step on the slippery kitchen floor and find myself hurtling towards the ground.

After two and half years of “life with Winston” I have learned to deal with most of his shenanigans, but tonight I just wasn’t feeling it, at all.  I just wanted to sit on the couch, sans dog in my lap, and watch my movie.

So, I did the only logical thing there was to do.  I gave him doggie Benadryl.

I know, I know, people go to jail for “doping” babies but this was a serious matter I was dealing with.  It’s not like I make a habit of it….yet.

The sad thing is, Winston’s orneriness is of the highest calibre and the suggested dose for a dog his size really had no effect.  So I was forced to continuously pause my movie and throw things for him to chase and destroy.

Life with Winston lesson #243:  Benadryl has reverse effect on high strung, pig faced, but insanely sweet bulldogs.

Success at last!!!
Success at last!!!

Fair warning, for those of you that come here for comic relief.  I’m feeling tired and uninspired tonight so this is going to be a rather random post tonight and probably not all that entertaining.  Hopefully you will enjoy anyways, and if not, I do hope you will return in the future and see that this was not the norm tonight!

 

First things first, I walked into the barn this morning and found this…

AAACCCKKKK!!! She's stalking me!
AAACCCKKKK!!! She’s stalking me!

 

I have to confess,this totally made me stop everything I was doing and just take a minute or two to laugh.  I love that people enjoy my blogs, whether they be people I know or not, I just like to know that someone out there somewhere is reading my posts and maybe something I said made their day just a tiny bit better.

Enough with the inspirational mumbo jumbo…that’s all you get folks!

I really don’t have much to talk about today, honestly the only reason I’m even blogging tonight is because I needed an excuse to post that picture.

So why not continue with pictures?  I tend to take pictures of just about anything so, as I was searching for the above submission, I found some pretty random pictures in my phone.  Let’s have a look at ’em….maybe we can have some fun huh?

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I really probably shouldn’t share this one with you, it’s pretty darn pathetic if I’m honest.  This was my pantry about 2 weeks ago.  A result of my sheer laziness and denial to go to the grocery store.  Sadly, my fridge looked even worse.

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I’m not afraid of snakes really, if I have to I’ll catch one…one of the nicer ones.  That being said, I’m pretty darn glad this guy died before I got a chance to meet him.  It’s hard to tell from the picture but this is not your cute little garden variety snake.  This sucker was HUGE and though I’m no snake expert, based on the fact that this guy was in the creek and I know for a fact that there are water moccasins in there, I don’t think he would have been one of the friendly guys!

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I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s just not quite right here….hmmmmm….

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I literally stopped in the middle of the road to get a picture of this guy. This isn’t one of the horses at our barn, but I just love baby leopard appys…I had to stop and look at him.

 

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I actually wrote an entire blog on this picture but it just never felt right.  This is what happens when you drop a brand new bottle of laundry detergent on your kitchen floor.

 

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My kiddos pretending to be super heroes!

And finally…..

A scary close up of Winston…everyone run in horror!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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There’s a New Terrorist in Town

It was brought to my attention last night that there is a new breed of terrorist on the streets (literally) these days.  Consider this my public service announcement in order to inform all of you so that you can be on the lookout for these nasty little threats to our well being.

The scary thing about these new terrorists is that they look exactly like you and me.  They come in many different forms, the most common being:

  • Little boys riding their bike down the street
  • The mail man
  • Stray cats
  • Every single car that drives down the street

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

  • Each and every one of your neighbors

Thankfully, I have managed to avoid attack from the terrorist as I have my built in alarm system that has saved me from each and every attempt made against me.  The system itself has a somewhat long name:

Mayday!

All

Members are

Alerted of

Suspicious

Undergoings

Everywhere

Or MAMASUE.

I suggest everyone have one of these alarms systems installed.  They are highly efficient and do NOT miss a single activity going down the street.

DO IT!  Your life depends on it!

 

This house protected by MAMASUE alarm system.

What the Heck Happened to my Door Knob?

As many of you may know by now, my beloved bulldog, Winston, recently started his own blog.  There is a good reason for this… he’s a freaking terror.  Yet, for some reason, I have become so attached to this little mongrel that I just can’t get rid of him, and trust me, I’ve had a few opportunities.

This blog would probably be better on “his” blog but honestly, I couldn’t think of anything else to blog about for myself and there are plenty of ideas left for his project.

The other day, as I was playing around the house, I made my way back to my bedroom.  Because of Winston, my bedroom door stays closed at all times so that I can keep track of his where-abouts when he is inside.  So as I reached to turn the knob and open the door, it didn’t take long at all to realize something was missing….the door knob.

Nope, nothing wrong at all with this picture!

I later found the darned thing, thank goodness because I did not want to be around to see the outcome of how THAT got digested, but I’m perplexed.  How in the world did my dog figure out how to twist the door knob off the door?  Has he evolved to have opposable thumbs?

I prefer to think that there has to be some brilliant explanation for why my dog makes my life miserable.  Perhaps he is actually a super hero dog.  What?  Underdog did it!

What about you?  Do you have a story to tell of extreme extraordinary pet talents?

All Dogs go to Heaven….Unless, Of Course, They’re Winston

What’s up?  It’s been a hot minute (one month and 5 days to be exact!)  It’s been a pretty crazy month or so, so much stuff going on.

I’ll be brief in my re-cap:

Fireworks:  For as long as I can remember, my family has run a fireworks stand come every Fourth of July and again for New Years Eve.  In fact, this past season marked 26 years meaning they started this whole adventure when I was only three years old.  So it’s pretty much been a part of me my entire life.  I know a completely different world of fireworks from most people.  For the most part, it’s fun, I have a boundless supply of explosives at my disposal pretty much all year and, considering I’m a bit of a pyro-maniac, that’s pretty cool.

It’s also a bit of a nuisance.  For two to three weeks a year I pretty much have no life whatsoever.  First of all, the stand sits in my father’s front yard because at the time that we started my parents were still married and it made so much more sense to put the stand in an easily accessible place.  Understandable however, I now live over 300 miles away from my father’s house.  I’ve learned to spend my summers in a cramped motel room with my mother for two weeks.

Now if you know anything about me at all, you know that I’m not much of a people person.  I would much rather choose the life of a hermit than an out going, social butterfly.  And though it IS my mother, someone I know and am comfortable with, at the same time, it is my MOTHER and, God knows I love her dearly but, she drives me INSANE.  And it’s not even the fact that it’s my mother, it could be anyone, if I have to spend more than 12 hours straight with any single person, I’m  pretty likely to go all Mount Vesuvius on that person before it’s over with!

To make things better, the day before we left I stepped off the porch steps, just as I have done every day of my life, and for whatever reason my ankle decided that it just didn’t want to work at the moment and down I went.  It’s been almost a month and the darn thing is still swollen but luckily I was able to walk on it pretty soon…that would have been a disaster had I not been able to go to fireworks this year!

The Wonderful World of New Mexico:  Four days after getting home from fireworks, the boy and I took a four day trip to New Mexico.

It doesn’t get much prettier than that folks!
Okay…maybe it does

I’ve been before but I was very young and quite honestly, I learned quickly that the state was nothing like I had portrayed it to be in my memory.  I remember it being much like west Texas, dry, dirty, ugly, not much to look at and don’t get me wrong; part of the state IS that way.  But the first night we drove into Ruidoso and I was instantly in love.  I seriously wish I had the money to just pack up and move there right this very moment.  It’s such a charming little town and of course staying in a log cabin way up in the mountains definitely has its appeal.  One of my absolute favorite parts of the trip was waking up in the morning, taking the trash out and looking up to see a giant bull elk standing about thirty yards away without a care in the world.

Something else I learned about this quaint little town is that it still lives by the old rules of yesteryear.  Pretty much everything, including convenience stores and Walgreens which we take for granted to be open 24/7, closes around 9pm.  We went to eat at an amazing little Italian restaurant and when we asked what time they closed the waitress just shrugged her shoulders and said “I think we are going to try to close about 8:30 tonight”

What?  You don’t have a set time to close?  You just close when you feel like it?  My how wonderful to live and work in such a carefree atmosphere.

The second day found us winding through the mountains of Cloudcroft; an even more relaxed and beautiful little town.  We eventually came back the next day and hiked up one of the mountains, something I’ve never done but always wanted to do.  We eventually moved down to the Alamogordo area where we visited White Sands, which I have to admit was WAY cooler than I had ever expected.

I came, I saw, I conquered

We finished the trip up with a visit to Carlsbad where we went to the Living Desert Museum and Zoo and of course a visit to the caverns.

I was so very thankful for a bit of a break from reality.  For four entire days I never once thought about bills or stressful work situations.  It was the most amazing four days I’ve had in a long time!

I’ll miss you New Mexico!

Back home….

 

I guess all good things have to come to an end eventually.  I’m starting to get back into the normal routine of things.  By now I guess you’re probably wondering what in the world the title of this post has to do with anything that I’ve said.

I’ve mentioned my dear, sweet, lovable Olde English Bulldogge Winston, on a couple occasions in the past.  For quite sometime, Winston has been a very popular subject of entertainment amongst my friends and Facebook followers.  If you’ve ever read or watched “Marley and Me” you will understand what I mean when I say that Winston is an “Extreme Marley”, in fact, he pretty much makes Marley look like the best, most well behaved dog ever to walk yet, for some reason, I continue to love this dog.

I was really putting this off, more for the reason that I hoped he would eventually grow out of it but seeing as he will be two in September and hasn’t changed much at all, I figure I might as well begin documenting his lovely, spunky, careless, clumsy behavior.  So I’ve decided to create a blog for Winston.

Go check it out;(I haven’t made it pretty yet, I’ll work on it thought!) I think the first blog entry will make it pretty obvious where I got the idea for the title of this post and blog!

A Calamatous Catastrophe!

Sheesh could it get crazier around this place?

Finally got back from my excruciating…I mean exhilarating….experience at camp.  I’m still trying to recover from that one!  I wanted to write about some of the things I learned and did but realize that will take about ten different posts so it’s going to take some work and time to put together.

In the mean time, I wanted to share something that happened back on the homestead while I was away.  It seems while I was gone we had a new addition to the family.  I guess there really is no better way to introduce this new addition than with a super cute picture!

What a cutie!

So, I hadn’t mentioned to anyone that we had a little one on the way for fear of jinxing it or something else but now that she is hear I can proudly display some of these great pictures!  She was born on June 5 and for the first 4 days of her life was nameless.  After much deliberation we finally settled on a name.  Due to the fact that her daddy’s name is Stetson and her grandma’s name is Cheyenne, we wanted to keep up with the western/wild west-ish theme.  We went through several different names: Belle, Ellie Mae, Annie Oakley, and a few random cute names like Lil Bit, Tillie, and Winnie.

Finally it hit me, Calamity Jane,  Calamity for short.

So forgive me for the abundant amount of pictures but we are very proud of our little Calamity and can’t wait for her to grow into the big beautiful girl she has the potential to become!

 

First family picture. Daddy in the background trying to sneak in closer. Mom wants NOTHING to do with that!

 

Already trying to be a big girl! Bless her heart, she experienced her first Texas rainstorm when she was only three days old! 

 

What ARE you????

 

 

 

I also wanted to randomly throw this picture in.  My girl Chy was in her first parade this past weekend.  She did great except for the one part where my hat blew off and when I went to retrieve it she got spooked when she saw it come up over her head.  She jumped to the side and I didn’t follow and wound up hitting the ground pretty hard on my left hip.  I’m pretty sore but it definitely could have been worse and I’m just thankful that we all had a great time!  This is me (of course) and my mustang Cheyenne and my step-dad and his quarter/appaloosa Tip just before the parade.