Things Not to Do in an Elevator

The building where I work is 7 stories tall.  My office is on the 7th floor.  Though I’ve done it before, I’m not climbing the stairs every day to get to my office.  That’s why some brilliant man invented the elevator.

The elevators in our office building are weird.  They do a number of uncanny things; things that often result in me praying every time I step in one of them, things like:

  • The doors often open before the elevator has reached the floor it’s going to.  Like seriously, the door will open, and the darn car is still moving
  • The doors refuse to open on certain floors, especially the 5th floor.  I cringe when people get in and press the “5” button because I know that the car is going to go to the 5th floor, stop, ding, and the doors will never open
  • It shakes every time it gets to a floor, like the cables are ready to let loose

Because the elevators are possessed, the office management has finally decided to fix them.  Now, there are only two elevators that service the entire office building.  Which means, when they shut one down to repair it, there is only one left.  So it takes forever to get where you’re going because you usually have to stop at every single floor to pick up/drop someone off.

Why, knowing that there is only one elevator going, and the likelihood that it will have people in it is pretty high, do people insist on rushing in the moment it opens?

Ok, ok, I get it on the higher floors, but seriously, if you are on the ground level, waiting for the elevator to come down, and you’ve already been waiting ten minutes, how much common sense does it take to figure out that the reason you are waiting so long is probably because people are getting on to come down, and once the doors open, they’re going to want out?  It gets crowded in there…people be claustrophobic and stuff!  (Dear 1st grade grammar teacher, I know, I know, this paragraph is loaded with run ons, wrong comma usage, and slang.  No, I’m not changing it)

95% of the time, when I go down to the ground floor, as soon as the doors open, I nearly get knocked to the ground by people rushing in.  I’m sorry you’ve had to wait, but seriously people, common courtesy, let the people OUT before you fight your way in!  It’s much easier that way.

Anyways, because of my elevator rantings, I thought I’d put together an etiquette list of things one should never do in an elevator:

  1. Pick at your scabs…seriously…that’s gross
  2. Carry on conversations in a non native language….that’s just rude
  3. Sing at the top of your lungs…no one wants to hear it
  4. Sell candy bars for your kids fundraiser….It’s awkward enough to tell you no when I CAN get away
  5. Propose…I get it, some of us lack in romanticism, so just heed my warning now, don’t do it in an elevator
  6. Hold the door open to continue a conversation with someone not getting on the elevator
  7. Hit your floor button repeatedly thinking there is a secret turbo button installed
  8. Practice your interpretive dance routine
Don't...just don't Source:
Don’t…just don’t

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