Things Not to Do in an Elevator

The building where I work is 7 stories tall.  My office is on the 7th floor.  Though I’ve done it before, I’m not climbing the stairs every day to get to my office.  That’s why some brilliant man invented the elevator.

The elevators in our office building are weird.  They do a number of uncanny things; things that often result in me praying every time I step in one of them, things like:

  • The doors often open before the elevator has reached the floor it’s going to.  Like seriously, the door will open, and the darn car is still moving
  • The doors refuse to open on certain floors, especially the 5th floor.  I cringe when people get in and press the “5” button because I know that the car is going to go to the 5th floor, stop, ding, and the doors will never open
  • It shakes every time it gets to a floor, like the cables are ready to let loose

Because the elevators are possessed, the office management has finally decided to fix them.  Now, there are only two elevators that service the entire office building.  Which means, when they shut one down to repair it, there is only one left.  So it takes forever to get where you’re going because you usually have to stop at every single floor to pick up/drop someone off.

Why, knowing that there is only one elevator going, and the likelihood that it will have people in it is pretty high, do people insist on rushing in the moment it opens?

Ok, ok, I get it on the higher floors, but seriously, if you are on the ground level, waiting for the elevator to come down, and you’ve already been waiting ten minutes, how much common sense does it take to figure out that the reason you are waiting so long is probably because people are getting on to come down, and once the doors open, they’re going to want out?  It gets crowded in there…people be claustrophobic and stuff!  (Dear 1st grade grammar teacher, I know, I know, this paragraph is loaded with run ons, wrong comma usage, and slang.  No, I’m not changing it)

95% of the time, when I go down to the ground floor, as soon as the doors open, I nearly get knocked to the ground by people rushing in.  I’m sorry you’ve had to wait, but seriously people, common courtesy, let the people OUT before you fight your way in!  It’s much easier that way.

Anyways, because of my elevator rantings, I thought I’d put together an etiquette list of things one should never do in an elevator:

  1. Pick at your scabs…seriously…that’s gross
  2. Carry on conversations in a non native language….that’s just rude
  3. Sing at the top of your lungs…no one wants to hear it
  4. Sell candy bars for your kids fundraiser….It’s awkward enough to tell you no when I CAN get away
  5. Propose…I get it, some of us lack in romanticism, so just heed my warning now, don’t do it in an elevator
  6. Hold the door open to continue a conversation with someone not getting on the elevator
  7. Hit your floor button repeatedly thinking there is a secret turbo button installed
  8. Practice your interpretive dance routine
Don't...just don't Source:
Don’t…just don’t


Things have been crazy around here lately, I haven’t found the time to blog much but I’ve got a few minutes so I thought I would talk about an idea that I came up with a few months ago, and just never wrote about.

When we first moved to this area of the world, one of the first things I noticed was that, rather than names, all of the roads are numbered.  I presume the reason is that it is a rural area and all of the roads are farm and ranch roads, which, for some reason, the road namer people thought it would make more sense to n number them.  Apparently they thought it made more sense, which it would, were the numbers actually in order.  But they’re not.

To say I’m directionally challenged is an understatement, I get lost, easily.  My first few explorations in this area led me to a number of unforseen adventures.  I can’t help but think that if the roads had names, it would be a little easier for me to get around.

To give you an example of what I’m talking about, here are the directions from my parents old house, to my old job.

  • left on 1230
  • left on 171
  • right on 917
  • left on 1902
  • right on 1187
  • left on 731
  • right on 20
  • left on 35
  • right on 170

That’s it, not one single named street.  How confusing!


And I’m not the only one that was initially perplexed by the strange naming system.  My mom was equally confused.  So what did we do?  We gave the numbered roads proper names, of course!

  • 1004 became Baby Cow Road (because the first time we drove on it, there was a pasture of baby cows at the intersection…duh!
  • 913 became Tower Road (Water Tower)
  • 909 is Horse Road (Because the place I board my horses is off of it)
  • The road leading to Horse Road (it’s a number, I’m sure, but I have no clue what it is) is Horse Mailbox Road (obvious)
  • 917 is S Curve Road
  • 1902 is Tire Road (There’s a tire shop on it)
  • 915 is HIdden Road (They’ve put a new freeway in, but this road used to be hard as heck to find because they never mowed around it)
  • 1230 is Cemetery Road

See?  Much easier!

Are You Smarter Than a T-Rex?

Every once in awhile, “the boy” approaches me with a question:  Where are my gurl blogs?  Which then triggers me to respond by saying “well, I have lots of good ideas for some, just haven’t had the time to write any, I’ll start blogging again soon, I promise!’

So here I am…you have “the boy” to thank!

First and foremost…study this timeline, you will be quizzed on it later.  Seriously, I spent a lot of time making this, study it!

money timeline vertical

Now that you’ve studied the timeline above, (note: if you haven’t studied it, do it now!) allow me rant.

Credit/debit cards are not new.  Neither are the POS (Point of sale goobers…not Piece of…well you know what else POS stands for) card readers.

Now, I’ll tell my age a little here and reveal that, when I was a kid, I vaguely can remember a time when my mom would pay for something with a credit card, and the cashier had to get out that little carbon copy doo-hickey.  For those of you youngsters, basically they would place the card on this little box.  The box had a receipt paper and a piece of carbon paper, and when they pressed on the card, the indentions would be imprinted on the receipt paper.

But, those are LONG gone.  I have also been around long enough to know that the POS card readers have been around since my early childhood as well.

So why, why, why, why, why?  Is it so hard for some people, to this day, to figure out how to use these things?  And I’m not even talking about the elderly who have trouble seeing.  I’m not talking about my mom’s generation, who has trouble with technology like smartphones and computers.  I’m not talking about any generation in general, because the fact is, these things have been around long enough, we ought to understand them.

Yet, it seems that at least once a week (once a day some weeks), I get stuck behind someone who is absolutely befuddled by these little magical card reading contraptions.

Just the other day, I got behind a lady in a very busy grocery store.  The lines were ridiculous to begin with, and I just so happened to pick the “right” line.  Does that happen to anyone else?  There’s 30 registers open (Obviously I wasn’t at Wal-Mart, they have 100 registers available and at any given time a day, there’s only 3 open) and every single line in the place is moving except yours.

Anyways…back to the point.

The lady checking out was about three people in front of me.  The cashier had done her job and scanned all of her groceries and it was time for her to pay.  The whole thing went a little something like this:

Cashier: That will be $26.32

Woman: Here you go (proceeds to hand the cashier the card, even though the POS thing is right in front of her, literally, she had to move it out of the way to hand the card to the cashier)

Cashier: Go ahead and swipe it right there (points toward POS)

Woman: Oh! I didn’t see that! (Really lady?)

The woman slides her card. She stares at the screen for what seems like an hour.

Cashier: (Finally!) It’s asking if you want debit or credit.

Woman: Does it matter?

Cashier: No, not unless you want cash back, if you do, press debit.

Woman: Oh, I don’t need cash back, but I pushed debit anyways.

Cashier: That’s fine, push the green button if the amount is ok.

Woman: If the amount is ok?  Wait, did the amount change?  How much did you say it was?

Cashier: $26.32

Woman: Oh, well that’s what it says here.  I don’t understand what to do now.

Cashier: Just press the green button.

Woman: But wait, if I press the green button, how much is it going to charge me?

Cashier: $26.32

Woman:  Are you sure?  Why would it ask if the amount was ok if you already told me what the amount was before I swiped my card?

Cashier: It’s just reassuring that you know how much you are being charged.

Woman:  But I don’t!

Cashier:  (Pointing at the screen)  It says right here, “Total: $26.32, is this amount right?  Yes/no”

Woman:  OH!  Ok, I understand now!  Yes, that’s the right amount.

At this point, she is still staring at the screen telling the machine that it’s the right amount.

Cashier:  Just push the green button.

The woman pushes the green button and stares at the screen for another eternity.

Cashier:  It’s asking if you want cash back.  Push the red button for no.

Woman: Ok. ( She pushes a button)  Oh no!  I pushed the green button by mistake.

Cashier:  It’s ok, just hit zero.

Woman: But I don’t want cash back.

Cashier: That’s fine, just hit zero to cancel it out.  It won’t charge you anything extra.

Woman:  Ok.  (She presses zero, and the receipt prints out.  Success at last!  Or…maybe not)  It didn’t ask me if the amount was ok this time.

Cashier: You already confirmed that the amount was ok.

Woman:  I know, but I did the cash back thing, and I want to make sure the amount is still correct.

Cashier:  Let me show you, right here on your receipt.  It shows your total was $26.32, it charged for that plus zero cash back.

Woman: It charged me to do cash back even though I didn’t want cash back?

Cashier:  No ma’am, it’s just showing that you pressed cash back and you asked for zero cash back.

Woman: Well why is it charging me?

Cashier:  It’s not ma’am, look here, it shows you the total amount you were charged, $26.32.

Woman: Oh, this technology is so confusing.

She proceeds to stand there, staring at her receipt while the cashier is waiting for her to move so she can check out the next person in line.

Woman: Wait, I still don’t understand…

Customer in line behind her: TAKE IT TO CUSTOMER SERVICE!  There are other people waiting to check out!

Woman:  Wow, what a B—!

She proceeds to push her cart to customer service, where she was still arguing with the boy behind the counter when I left.

Seriously people….the dinosaurs had it figured out and they had brains the size of a walnut.