As a member of the female gender, I understand that we tend to do strange things that men don’t understand. Heck, I don’t get it half the time! But that doesn’t really matter, we do these things and we are proud of them. So, since I have nothing better to do today, I thought I would explain some of the things seem to perplex men about women.
Why do you guys always go to the bathroom together?
It’s obvious isn’t it? We don’t want to be murdered. Women know that the one time they enter a strange bathroom alone, will be the one time that Michael Myers will be hanging out in the stall, waiting for them. Remember the phrase “safety in numbers?” well, that’s exactly what we are exercising…because as long as you can run faster than your friends, you’re doing just fine.
Why do women take so long to get ready?
I suppose I could make something up and tell you it’s because we care about what men think of us, and want to look perfect for our guy when we go out…but that has nothing to do with it. The fact is, we…well…I don’t know.
Why do women always fall for the ‘your air filter needs changed’ trick at Valvoline Instant Oil Change?
Have you seen the guy that is in charge of relaying this information? That short, fat, bald headed dude with the “Duck Dynasty” style beard is quite frightening. By all means, please change that baby, if that’s what it takes to get you to quit breathing down my throat…seriously…breathmints dude!
Why do you need so many shoes?
So…this one’s difficult for me to answer, because I literally have TWO pairs of shoes…that’s it. My boots and my tennis shoes. So…good luck figuring this one out!
Are you really so helpless that you can’t change your own tire?
I’m proving to not be a very valid resource….Ummm….I can change a tire just as well as any man! Furthermore, how come in the horror movies, when the chick gets a flat tire, she opts to walk 500 miles down the road in 12 inch heels, instead of sitting in the car and waiting for help to arrive? Better yet…yank that spare tire out, jack the car up, and replace that baby yourself…it really doesn’t take much more than common sense to figure it out!
6 inch heels? What the heck?
That’s just Lady Gaga. We don’t claim her as one of us.
Why is your purse so heavy?
You don’t want the answer to this. Because if you knew, we would have to kill you…or better yet, just force you to carry our purses around all day.
Why do I find your hair EVERYWHERE?
That’s a fair question….I don’t know the answer, but I seriously don’t understand how I’m not bald. The rate at which hairs escape my crazy mane fascinates me.
Why do women shave their legs?
Excuse me? Umm….I’m pretty sure that has something to with you guys. If you can prove to me that it was a woman’s idea to start this, I will apologize, but someone, at some point (a man obviously) decided that women were much more attractive with smooth legs…I hate that person.
Do women like facial hair?
For the most part…yeah, a little scruff here and there is usually attractive. Just avoid the ZZ-top look…unless you are the scary oil change guy, then we understand, it’s a requirement of your job.
There you have it boys, a complete guide to every question you’ve ever had about us ladies. Now you know everything there is to know about women…how awesome is that? I’m a pretty cool chick huh? You’re welcome!