My Work Fridge is Cooler Than Your Work Fridge

 

I have two passions.  Horses and writing.  In the past year, I have been fortunate enough to work one of those passions on a professional level.  Nothing is better than getting paid for doing something you love, and fortunately I was able to get paid to work with horses.

As much as I love horses, there were a few bumps along the way, factors that, for the most part, were beyond my control. Therefore, I had to give up on the idea of making a career of working with horses.  It was hard to accept at first, but after being somewhat jaded by some individuals in the industry I decided that it was in my best interest to pursue another career, and simply enjoy my own two kiddos in my spare time.

Little did I know that I would eventually land a job that allowed me to pursue my other passion.

Yesterday, I started a new job.  I’m working for a company that does mainly graphic design and printing solutions, however, the owner of the company has a project that he is working on where he needed a writer.  So, I’m basically responsible for writing a coffee table style book, and the start up of two magazines.  Unfortunately, I was paid upfront not to discuss what these publications will be about, until they are released, which is going to be awhile, so you all will just have to stay in the dark for a little while.

I was super nervous about starting this job.  Writing is something that I’ve always done for fun, sure, I did some freelance things here and there and earned a little extra money, but professionally, I never really gave it a whole lot of thought.  So when I accidentally came across this job, the idea of getting paid to do something that I love to do excited me, but scared me at the same time.

Most of the people who read what I write like it, however, most of the people who read what I write, are people I know, and they are going to tell me what I want to hear anyways.  I wasn’t really sure if I would be able to take criticism very well, at least not concerning my writing.

Anyways, all of my fears were pushed aside yesterday, when I walked into the office for the first time, went into the breakroom to put my lunch up, and saw this.

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Yes folks, that’s alcohol in our work fridge.  A further inspection of the drawers found a couple bottles of wine and some sort of liquor.  And apparently, EVERYTHING in the fridge is free for the taking, including the beer, as long as it is just one here and there.

I dare you to prove to me that your fridge at work is cooler than mine…hell, this work fridge is cooler than my own personal fridge has EVER been!

Let’s Be Politically Correct

While watching a repeat of a repeat of the Waltons the other day, I was shocked to discover that it came with a parental guidance warning. “This program may be unsuitable for younger viewers.” How anybody could come up with the idea that this innocuous series could be dodgy is totally ridiculous. Compared to accepted viewing today, the Waltons were harmless. Even poor Tom and Jerry were more violent than these religious, family orientated characters. 

Looking back to my childhood, I recalled the many nursery rhymes that I grew to love. Nearly all of these ditties had a sinister element to them. The baby on the tree top ended up on the ground. Humpty Dumpty was reduced to egg shells and the three blind mice were attacked with a carving knife. 

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Poor Humpty
Source: exchange.smarttech.com

With the advent of political correctness, it is a small miracle that these much loved tales haven’t been banned. The mere suggestion of placing a child on a tree top would result in social services being called in. Mr. Dumpty might be safe owing to the fact that it is quite acceptable to break a few eggs to make an omelette. The farmer’s wife would surely be brought to court for assaulting three visually impaired animals. 

Lewis Carroll’s Queen of Hearts would rapidly find herself in a top security prison and Little Red Riding Hood would be filing charges of cannibalism against the wolf. The three little pigs having lost their homes would be obliged to claim on their insurance policies. 

I see Jack and Jill attending the local accident and emergency department for scans and x-rays to ensure no lasting damage to their skulls. Little Bo Peep can now be found in the local cop shop brandishing photographs of her missing sheep, while Little Boy Blue and his horn feature on the sex offenders list. 

As I write this, I believe that Hansel and Gretel reported the wicked witch to the police. She is now serving a ten year sentence for kidnap and attempted murder. The visually impaired mice have had extensive plastic surgery and are now the proud owners of three new tails. The farmer’s wife was deemed to be temporarily insane due to menopause. She was referred for counselling and ordered to complete sixty hours of community service. 

Little Bo Peep is now reunited with her lambs; apparently their sat nav system led them astray. She has now upgraded to version 25.9 and all is well in her life. Little Boy Blue has managed to slip out of the country and now is enjoying the high life in Mexico. A new government directive has ordered that all parents who wish to suspend their children from tree tops must provide a safety net for them. In the event of the bough breaking, no lasting injury can be sustained. 

It has also been suggested that nursery rhymes should be amended in order to prevent very young children experiencing nightmares. 

The best example of these new rhymes has to be as follows: 

Three visually impaired mice, 
See how they run. 
They all ran up to the farmer’s wife, 
She fed them cheese 
And wished them a long, happy life.