Hi. My name is Sam, and I have a bad habit.
I don’t know when this problem started but I often find myself rudely awaken in the middle of the night by an insatiating thirst. When this evil beast attacks, I tend to crawl out of bed and stumble towards the kitchen, merely hoping my foot won’t find a stray dog snoring peacefully.
Now, let me quickly add that I’m pretty darn blind. Without my contacts, I can only see about 3 inches in front of my nose, but since I know my way around the house, I don’t really see it necessary to put them back in, or even grab for my glasses at 3 am because it just would take more time that I’m willing to allot.
Once I blindly, and quite clumsily, find my way to the kitchen, I usually fish a can of coke out of the ice box (I told you it was a bad habit) and take a couple sips and put the can back and worry about it in the morning.
So, last night, as I lazily plodded my way from the bedroom to the kitchen, I had the same intentions. I opened the fridge door, grabbed a can, popped the top open, and took a big swig.
MEE MAW MEE MAW MEE MAW MEE MAW (That’s the sound of an alarm for those of you who haven’t seen Despicable Me 2)
Something’s not right! The coke tasted HORRIBLE! And when I say horrible, I mean, straight up spit it back out, who cares if it goes all over the floor because if you swallow it, you’re going to throw up, horrible.
I stumbled around for a few minutes, trying to figure out what the heck just happened. I’m sure I don’t have to explain the grogginess one feels after just waking up, nor the fact that your brain isn’t really functioning properly yet and it takes some time to work your way through such horrid events.
Once I regained composure, I dashed to turn on the lights.
And everything became so very clear.
It seems that what I had drank was, in fact, not coke, but I nice, cold, can of beer.
Now, I’m really not a huge beer drinker in the first place. In fact, before meeting the boy three years ago, I wouldn’t even touch the stuff. But he managed to convince me that some of the “better” (that loosely translates to expensive) beers actually aren’t half bad. A few weeks ago he sent a couple cans of some new stuff home with me and since it takes me awhile to actually want to drink one, I still had one can left.
Have you ever taken a sip of something, thinking it was something else? I do this occassionally, maybe I’m going somewhere with my mom and we both have drinks and I accidentally grab her coke thinking it is tea. While I generally like the taste of coke, if you are not expecting it, it can be quite surprising, and even unpleasant.
Now, think of that feeling, and multiply it by about 33. I’m glad my dogs can’t talk because I know they got a show last night. After I spit it out all over the place, I felt it necessary to dance around the kitchen, jumping up and down with my mouth open, as if I thought this would shake all memories of the event out of my head.
Blind, sleepy, and beer sick. There’s three words that should NEVER be used in the same sentence.
Perhaps I should secretly fill my fridge with beer in an attempt to break this habit. It could be a goofy form of Russian Roulette, mix the beer and the coke cans together and when I get up in the middle of the night for a quick sip of coke, I’m taking a huge risk that I might not grab a coke can.
Surely that would assist in breaking bad habits right? Meh, I’ll just remember to grab my glasses next time.