Note from Sam: The following post might be rough grammatically. I read through it just now and saw several mistakes but, to be honest, I’m tired, I have a head ache, and I want to go to bed…so deal with it!
Excerpt from McDonald’s job application*
Please choose the best answer for the following question:
Sam orders two breakfast burritos and one large drink. Her order comes to $3.25. She hands you a $20 bill and a quarter ($20.25 for my friends in other countries that use currency other than the mighty USD) How much change should you give her?
My answer: B
Computed Response: We are sorry to inform you that your selection is incorrect and therefore are not qualified for the position in which you have applied. While we understand that $3.25 deducted from $20.25 is, in fact $17.00 however; we do not expect our employees to be able to perform simple math functions and anyone who is able to do so is obviously a Communist. Please re-apply in three months after you have de-commified yourself and gone through proper “dumbing down” procedures.
Three times now, I have tried the above scenario of adding a quarter to my twenty to pay for my meal. I do this to make things simpler. Obviously this plan has backfired because each of the three times, I’ve received everything BUT $17.00 back as change.
Now, don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that all people who work at McDonald’s or fast food places are stupid. And I’m not saying that if you work at one of these places you are below me. In fact, I thank you for not being one of the people standing in the Welfare line expecting everyone else to give you free hand outs. I also thank you for making me breakfast burritos every once in a while.
What I am getting at is, how hard is it to do simple math? Furthermore, they don’t even have to DO the math, the register does it for them. They punch in my order, it tells them how much I owe, I give them money, they punch in how much I gave and the super smart, magical register announces to the world exactly how much change to give me. So that obviously can’t be the problem now can it?
Maybe people just don’t know how to count money? I know our American money can be tricky with the faces of all those old dudes on them. I get nervous sometimes when I count money too. I feel like George Washington is watching me, judging every move I make. Contrary to everything you’ve ever read in history books, Georgey poo was a judgmental old guy.
Perhaps smelling french fries all day has something to do with it. I’m sure if you were to research the life cycle of a fry, from potato seed to deep fryer, you would find some anomaly in its making that would provide ample explanation as to why it is difficult to give people the correct change.
Maybe they meant to give me the correct change but they lost it in the ball pit while chasing down some snotty nosed pygmy teenager that is harassing all the four-year olds in the playground.
Maybe it was the aliens. Yes! It was the aliens! It all makes sense now. Why else would super intelligent beings from a planet far, far away come down to our measly little hole-in-the-wall rock if there wasn’t some sort of hilarious entertainment involved.
Think about it – how much fun is it to mess with an ant hill? Don’t turn your head and raise your eyebrow at me, I know that at least once in your lifetime you have stepped on an ant hill merely for the pleasure of making the little drones scramble to the surface as fast as they possibly can and run around like a battle scene from Braveheart….No? Really? Just me? Oh well then.
Back to aliens.
They are the only reasonable explanation, because I fail to believe that our education system has failed us so far to the point that we can no longer read $17.00 and interpret how to transform that into cold hard cash.
*Not really an excerpt from a McDonald’s application but seriously, if you thought it was before reading this disclaimer, send me a message, I need to examine your brain for proof of alien dust.