Boy Words: Volume 1

I’ve really been having a lot of trouble finding inspiration for my blog lately, yet at the same time I WANT to write something.  So this evening I had this brilliant idea.  Why not start a “segment” of some kind that requires I post, at the very least, weekly?

So here we have it, a brand new segment called (for now) Boy Words.

The Boy and I pretty much have nothing in common….NOTHING.  Don’t believe me?  Here’s a few examples:

  • I love to go horseback riding
    • The Boy likes to drive fast cars on the race track
    • I like documentaries about sharks and giant squid
      • The Boy likes documentaries about aliens and Honey Boo Boo…yes, I just outed him
      • I have dogs
        • The Boy has expensive Japanese toys

So since we pretty much have no common ground and don’t really share interests in many things, there’s not much that I can include him in.  Therefore, when I came up with the idea tonight of doing a segment, I thought it was an excellent opportunity to include him in something that I enjoy doing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you “Boy Words”.  Not a very creative title, I know, but it’s a work in progress, I’m open to suggestions by the way.  The main premise of Boy Words is, I will harass the boy on a regular basis, I haven’t decided how often yet, to give me just one word and I will write an entire blog based on that word.  One word, it’s a simple task…let’s see how long before he screws it up…errr…I mean…ummm….hmmm…not really a way to back pedal out of that one huh?

Okay, without further ado, let us begin.  I promise, if I continue to do this segment, it won’t be as long as this one, I just felt I needed to let you all fully understand the reason for the birth of this segment.

Today’s Boy Word:  Minions

Seeing as Despicable Me 2 just hit theaters a couple weeks ago, and it is one of the greatest movies ever, I really don’t have to wonder too long where this word came from.  I have to admit, I was expecting something more like Storm Trooper or wookie, but I know in time, I will be forced to come up with some form of intelligent ramblings about those words, I wait with baited breath.

According to our friend Webster, a minion is someone who follows their master’s orders to the very strictest (is that really a word?  My spell check isn’t doing the squiggly line thing…hmmm, must be!) of regimes.  They are usually favored by their master because of their obsequious behavior.

In other words, a minion is a “kiss ass”.

We all know someone who fits in this category, don’t try to tell me that you’ve never worked with someone who had their nose so far up the boss’ butt their head actually protruded from his belly button.

The problem, however, with minions is that they usually are not as subservient as the boss believes them to be.  For those of us sitting on the outside, we see someone who regularly comes to work 30 minutes late, but makes up for it by bringing donuts.  Someone who takes 3,000 cigarette breaks a day, but always has the juicy gossip (because you know smokers are the world’s biggest gossipers) about the boss’ boss that gives him blackmail ammunition.  These are the people who basically do nothing all day, milking off the company’s dime, only to take all the credit once the grunt workers have slaved away in their quaint 6 x 6 cubicles.

And how the hell do minions manage to get so many vacation days?  Seriously, when I was working in Corporate America,  the only way I knew that the minions still worked at the company, was that every time the boss would get flowers or candy, it wasn’t from their significant other, it was from the minion.

In addition to vacation days, minions also have the sickest kids/parents/spouses on the face of the planet.  It’s like little Johnny has an internal time clock and as soon as mommy makes it to work, the clock goes off and BLEHHHH little Johnny throws up and has to be picked up from school.

Minions also apparently like to eat.  They love eating so much that one of the requirements in their contract states that they are allowed, at any time, without notice, to take a minimum three and half hour lunch break.  The longevity of this lunch break allows them an hour to eat, an hour to digest their food, an hour to take a nap, and thirty minutes to slowly amble back to the office for four more hours of ass kissing.

Now, thanks to Illumination Entertainment, we have a way to identify the minions in our workplaces, and tag them so that others will immediately know just what a foul beast they are dealing with.  I’ve included a picture that I drew of a Despicable Me minion, I encourage each of you to print several copies of this picture and place them on the desks, chairs, or foreheads of the known minions in your organization.

This is actually the picture that comes up on the boy's phone when I call him...awww...that's sweet.
This is actually the picture that comes up on the boy’s phone when I call him…awww…that’s sweet.
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