Run Wilbur! Charlotte Has Become a Murderer!

First of all, I want you all to know that after my incident the other day; I have become a “slightly” braver person.  I found some wasps had made their way inside my house this evening and I was able to dispose of them with far less drama than the last time.

Go me!

The bugs have been horrible this year, more so than normal, it seems.  After walking through at least 53.5 million spider webs this morning (that’s an accurate number by the way) I’ve come to the conclusion that spiders have changed their way of thinking.

It used to be that you would see a spider web and automatically know that some eight legged bug was trying to catch another bug so it could wrap it up in a cozy, custom made silk blanket and suck its guts out.  How’s that for hospitality?  “Here you go sir, have a nice warm blanket, on the house.  No, no, don’t mind me; I’m just trying to suck all your internal organs out through a tiny incision in the back of your neck, nothing to worry about!”

Now, before all of you politically correct people start screaming at me and saying stupid, un-needed things like “Spiders are arachnids, NOT bugs!” Let me just say, if it has slimy legs, a million eyes, and wears it’s skeleton on the outside…it’s a freaking bug!


Anyways, no, it seems that spiders have decided that by building bigger webs, they can achieve so much more.  Why settle for tiny little flies and lighting bugs when you can have a bigger prize, humans! This has to be the case, why else would I spend my day swatting through a jungle of spider webs (that I’m pretty sure I knocked down the day before) just to walk into the bathroom to see their menacing eight eyes staring back at me while I try to do my business in peace?

And all this time you thought this only happened in cheasy horror flicks!
And all this time you thought this only happened in cheesy horror flicks!

I really wish I could go back in time and have a nice long conversation with E.B. White and yell at him for leading me, as a child, to think that all spiders did was build beautiful webs and talk to pigs.  Come on, y’all know how much I love pigs; spiders should be my best friends!  But I have yet find one that will help me find that little mini pig I’ve so desperately hoped to love and cherish as though it were my child.

Don't trust her Wilbur!  She's going to suck your guts out!!!
Don’t trust her Wilbur! She’s going to suck your guts out!!!

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