Will Someone Find Charley and Tell Him to Come Get His Horse?

I’m sure I speak for just about everyone when I say “We’ve all experienced the excruciating pain of a ‘Charley Horse’” and if you haven’t, well quit reading because I currently hate your guts and want nothing to do with you!

 

I don’t know what to compare the pain of a Charley Horse to but I know that they are almost unbearable and what’s even worse is even after you finally get the muscle to chill out, it still aches for like two days afterwards.  I’ve been getting them kind of regularly lately and I guess I have no one to blame but myself, I’ve always heard they are caused by a potassium deficiency and since I can’t stand bananas I don’t get a lot of the stuff on a day to day basis.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up
Photo credit: Icanhascheezburger.com

 

Anyways, ever since I hurt my ankle, the pain from Charley Horses in my right leg has intensified tenfold.  I don’t know if it’s because my ankle still isn’t fully healed or what but anytime I get one, the only way I can describe the way I feel is that the cramp is actually inside the bone of my ankle, it’s extremely painful, just take my word for it.

 

So there I was last night, lying in bed, sleeping sweetly, minding my own business when it happened.  Out of no where good old Charley forgot to close the gate and his horse escaped, trampling my right leg to pieces in an effort to find freedom.

 

If you’ve never been awaken by such a thing, I don’t recommend it.  I shot out of bed faster than a rocket full of monkeys and crashed to the floor.  Now I was in trouble, anyone with a Charley Horse or cramp knows that it’s next to impossible to bend your leg in the middle of one and in my late night stupor, I just couldn’t quite figure out how to get up with only one leg.

 

Finally, I managed to crawl up the side of the bedroom wall like some crazy possessed extra reject from “The Exorcist.”  I managed to get my foot to straighten out enough to stand on the leg and walk around for a few minutes which finally put the cramp at ease.

 

Now I was up and once I wake up I’m pretty much up for the rest of the morning.  Seeing as it was 3:45 and I planned on waking up at 4:30 anyways, it wasn’t really a big deal.  So, still in a slight daze from being so rudely awaken, I stumbled to the bedroom door and opened it.  It was at this point that my dogs decided it was time to wake up and go outside, no problems there however, Winston is pretty darn clumsy when he’s wide awake and a half asleep Winston is no better.  Long story short, I found myself face planting into the hallway wall and rolling down the side, landing on my back where I was so graciously pounced on by three excited dogs.

 

I finally got the dogs off of me and outside and proceeded to walk around the kitchen.  Now, I wear contacts all the time except for when I sleep, without them I’m VERY blind.  (Not sure if I’m considered legally blind yet or not, my mom is and my vision is right there with her)  Because I’m blind, I’ve learned to get around places with little to no light and usually have no issues with it however, this morning was different.  I managed to stump my toe not once, not twice, but THREE times!  Same toe, which just so happens to be on the same foot/leg that was still trying to recover from the world’s worst Charley Horse.  I finally got wise and put my contacts in.

 

I’d like to think that we all have mornings that start off like this, at least I really, really, hope so.  That being said please humor me and tell me about one of your worst starts to a day!  Did the entire day go along the same course or did it finally pick up?

 

 

Why I Need a Giant Mechanical Shark in my Front Yard

Dear Discovery Channel,

Today marks, as you are well aware, the 25th anniversary of the greatest week of television ever known to man kind.

For 25 years you have brought “Shark Week” to the public, for 25 years I have watched religiously.  (Yes, I started watching Shark Week when I was 4 years old, believe it, it’s true!)  For 29 years, 11 months, 17 days, and 14 minutes (No, I’m not conceding to 30 until the very last minute!)  I have been the shark’s biggest advocate. And I can’t help but think that Shark Week was created with me in mind, seeing as it comes a week before my birthday every year….what an AWESOME birthday present, thanks Discovery Channel!

This is why I’m writing you.  This year you have added a GIANT mechanical shark fondly known as “Sharkzilla” (think it’s supposed to be a lifesize Megaladon which would be sooooo freaking cool to see in person!) to your promotional campaign.  I would like to make you a proposition; the purpose of this letter is to ask you to please, please, please, please, make me my own mechanical “Sharkzilla Jr.”  I really NNNNEEEEEDDDDD one!  In return for your generous offer, I will faithfully continue to love all sharks of the world and educate people that they are idiots for jumping in the ocean and assuming that sharks instinctively know that humans are superior to them and should not be eaten.

 

I desperately need this!
Photo Credit: Discoverychannel.com

Not yet convinced?  Well, let me tell you a little about myself.

I stand confident in knowing that I’m likely the only person in the world who has ever bawled during “Jaws” not because I grew any emotional bond to the human characters but rather, I fell in love with the HERO of the show who was so inhumanely destroyed by having a scuba tank shoved down his throat!  I found myself flinching each time that Brody shot his gun at the scuba tank and missed thinking, “The shark is actually going to win!”  Imagine my surprise and dismay when he finally landed the “kill shot”.

Oh what a sad moment that was.

I suffered through the 3 sequels and for the most part was on board, despite the fact that  the 4th installment found Ellen Brody making claims that a shark had a vendetta against her despite the fact that the shark had been killed in the previous 3 movies, not sure why the 4th shark would have any reason to chase her all the way to the Bahamas!

Oh and let’s not forget that in the previous 3 movies it was somehow left out that all you really have to do to kill a shark is simply stab it and it will explode into a fireball of shark guts in mid air.

Are you going to feature this fact in one of your new shows this year?  I think it would be beneficial for people to know if they are ever attacked by a ravenous, man eating shark, with a vendetta against them.

Furthermore, I have even suffered through a number of movies (the latter included) that seem to think it’s a cool idea to give the sharks a fierce growl.  While I think it would be awesome for sharks to be able to speak, the fact of the matter is, they have no vocal cords.

Anyways, the point that I’m trying to make here is, I LOVE SHARKS!  They simply are the coolest animals on the face of the planet and I desperately NEED a mechanical Sharkzilla to place in my front yard.

Also, I’m a pretty anti-social person and I think this would be a great defense against unwanted visitors.

Thanks for your time.

Your fellow faithful shark lover,

Sam

There’s a New Terrorist in Town

It was brought to my attention last night that there is a new breed of terrorist on the streets (literally) these days.  Consider this my public service announcement in order to inform all of you so that you can be on the lookout for these nasty little threats to our well being.

The scary thing about these new terrorists is that they look exactly like you and me.  They come in many different forms, the most common being:

  • Little boys riding their bike down the street
  • The mail man
  • Stray cats
  • Every single car that drives down the street

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

  • Each and every one of your neighbors

Thankfully, I have managed to avoid attack from the terrorist as I have my built in alarm system that has saved me from each and every attempt made against me.  The system itself has a somewhat long name:

Mayday!

All

Members are

Alerted of

Suspicious

Undergoings

Everywhere

Or MAMASUE.

I suggest everyone have one of these alarms systems installed.  They are highly efficient and do NOT miss a single activity going down the street.

DO IT!  Your life depends on it!

 

This house protected by MAMASUE alarm system.

Three Weeks to Thirty!

The title is pretty self explanatory.  Three weeks from today I will say farewell to my 20s forever.  I plan on doing this with grace.

Growing up, I was always the youngest of my friends so that being said, I’ve seen many of them hit this mark earlier in the year or last year and so far, none of them have had a nervous breakdown, that I’m aware of.

I’ve always heard that “your 30s will be the best years of your life” and seeing that the last half of my 20s were, without argue, the best years of my life so far, I can’t imagine what the next decade will be like!  If I have one single fear related to this upcoming birthday, it’s that I’m terrified it will be too good!  Is that possible?

I’m coming to terms with the fact that I will no longer be able to check “24-29” on certain questionnaires, nor am I exactly where I wanted to be by this point.

We all have dreams as young ones and with the huge imagination I had as a child, I was definitely no exception.  If you asked me 20 years ago where I would be by now, this is just a glimpse of the things I would have accomplished:

  • 4 years ago I would have graduated from Vet school and would have started my own practice
  • 5 years ago I would have been married
  • 2 years ago (despite my distaste in children) I would have given birth to my first and only child, however, the likelihood of twins is very high in my family and it was always considered a huge possibility….nevertheless, it didn’t matter how many I had at once, I was only going through it ONCE
  • 4 years ago, my husband and I would have purchased a beautiful ranch house on thousands of acres where we raised horses and cattle(but never sent them to slaughter)
  • 8 years ago I would have purchased a huge plot of land somewhere and started a wildlife conservation center
  • 3 years ago, after getting my Veterinary practice up and running, I would have handed over the majority of the control to my partner so that I would be able to go back to school and continue my studies in marine biology, at this point, I would have been traveling the world’s oceans, catching, tagging, and tracking sharks
  • In the next upcoming months, I would have expanded my wildlife rehab/conservation center to include part of the gulf, where I could rehabilitate marine mammals and sharks
  • 8 years ago, I would have joined the college basketball team and continued to play throughout my entire undergrad career.  Upon graduation, I would go pro, which would help fund my Doctorate as well as the wildlife center and the big ranch house
  • 2 years from now, I would have retired from playing professional ball and devote dmy time to my work and family

I guess it’s safe to say that pretty much none of this has occurred however, I can’t be upset with myself, I have a little to show for my 30 years on this planet, just in the last decade I:

image credit: mrgarylee.com
  • Became a home owner
  • Proved to myself that people really can change
  • Got my first dog (My Piper!)
  • Got my first horse
  • Raised my first foal
  • Raised a puppy on my own (not sure how successfully!)
  • Bought my first brand new car
  • Taught myself how to cook
  • went back to school
  • learned to love myself
  • learned to control my emotions and be the person I want to be
  • learned to let my guard down, forget scars from the past, and allow someone to reach my heart, because of that I met the most amazing man who truly makes me feel like I’m special

Yeah, so, I’m not exactly where I was supposed to be by this point in my life but who cares?  Looking at these two lists side by side, I’m pretty sure I would choose the second one and do it all over again!

So, for the next three weeks, I’m going to enjoy what life has given me so far and continue to look forward to what it has to offer.  Farewell 20s, come on 30!

When Will I Learn?

I feel the need to be slightly serious today so I want to go ahead and apologize for that now!

 

It’s been a weird, kinda rough couple weeks for me around the home front however before I get on a my soap box, I should make it clear that there are a few people in my life who have been a tremendous and over flowing source of support.  These people know who they are and I’m truly thankful to them for being there for me.  Now, on to the gripey part!

 

I would be surprised if anyone who knows me would describe me as anything besides the following:

 

  • Mild Mannered
  • Even Tempered
  • Not Easily Provoked
  • Thick Skinned
  • Submissive
  • Forgiving
  • Level Headed

 

To me, most of those sound like fairly desirable qualities, just about anyone would be able to handle stress as well as me or be able to see the good in just about anyone.  At the risk of sounding arrogant, I feel like I’m a pretty likeable and decent person.

 

I haven’t always been this way though in fact, up until about five years ago, I possessed several less desirable qualities.  Honestly, I just hadn’t grown up yet, I was always very good at making people believe that I was mature for my age but the truth is; there was still an adolescent, rebellious, child trapped inside me, waiting for the best opportunity to lash out.

 

Without going too deeply into details I was a somewhat careless, uncaring, suspicious, and hateful person on the inside well into my mid 20s- I found myself compulsively lying, stealing money from my mother, not taking responsibility for my actions, all while effectively playing the role of the victim.  I’m sure a psychology major could attribute it to certain parts of my childhood, I didn’t have a horrible childhood but I did encounter a decently higher number of hostile situations than the equivalent peers of my time.  I was (and still am) just very good at putting on a brave face.

 

I’m not proud of who I was in this dark time in my life, in fact, I wish I could just erase most of my life starting around the age of 17 and starting back over around 25.

 

I don’t know why this occurred, I don’t know exactly when it was, but I can remember the details of the moment.  I know where I was, I know what I was doing leading up to the event, I know what was on the TV at the time.  I remember closing my eyes and thinking to myself “I have to grow up” and when I opened my eyes, I truly felt like a new person.  I know to some of you this may sound a little “Hollywood-ish” and honestly, I can’t blame you for your opinion.

 

Anyways, where am I going with this?

 

I made a couple of major changes in my life and attitude that day.  The old me was a very sensitive person.  She would drop down on her knees and start crying like a damn fool if you so much as looked at her funny.  The new/current me has grown a very thick skin over the years and it takes quite a bit more to shake me so much that you bring tears to my eyes.  People, who know the current me, with the exception of a select few, have never seen me cry.  That will probably never change.  It’s just who I am, I don’t get upset and honestly, I’ve learned to love this side of me, though I know it has major downfalls.  People tend to view me as emotionless and cold, they think I have no feelings and can not experience things like sadness and disappointment, they also wrongly assume that I am hateful and not capable of empathy.  I wouldn’t say that describes me very well, I experience emotions just like anyone else; I’ve just learned to cover them up.

 

There is another major change that I made in my life that day, perhaps more of a vow than a change.  As I sat there, reflecting back on who I had become and what events in my life had gotten me to that spot, I promised myself that I would NEVER find myself in a position anywhere close to where I previously had been.

 

I can’t say that I regret this promise in fact, for the most part, I’m proud of myself for sticking with it this long.  However, the problem that comes along with this vow is that I am so committed to myself that I will not allow for faults or weaknesses of any shape or form, even if those exceptions are actually beneficial.  In short, I’m FAR too hard on myself.

 

I have learned to be very forgiving of people and their tendency to be imperfect.  I’ve accepted that we are all human and mistakes were created to be made.

 

As long as I’m not the one making the mistakes.

 

Mistakes made on my part are considered unforgiveable in my head.  I can not grasp my mind around the fact that I’m human just like everyone else and I have to allow for a certain degree of errors.  My brain and loyalty to myself just simply will not allow it and because of this, I often become somewhat detrimental to myself.

 

I realize and recognize that I have to allow myself to make mistakes for, without them, what will I learn?  It’s just been a very long road and I have to find that healthy balance.