Texas Born and Bred

This came across to me in an email earlier.  I normally ignore these things but I thought I would share, along with my commentary!

Enjoy!

Only a true Texan knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit and that you don’t “have” them, but “pitch” them.

In my opinion, a conniption fit is much worse but be warned, if you hear anyone saying they are pitching either one, star far, far away!

A true Texan can show or point out the general direction of “yonder.”

Words/phrases related to “yonder” include: around the corner, over there, up the way a bit, up the road, and down there

Nobody but a true Texan knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a “mess.”

For anyone interested, it’s tradition to make about ten times as much as needed.  If you have 5 people over to eat, you cook enough for 50 and everyone takes a plate home
True Texans know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’.)

Nothing says “sorry”  or “I’m there for you” like fried comfort food!

True Texans know that “fixin” can be as a noun, verb, and adverb

I use the word “fixinna” (fixing to) a lot!  It’s probably my favorite word ever!  For the rest of you, “fixing to” is equivalent to “about to” but soooo much more fun to say!

True Texans know that there are two types of food. Spicy and Spici-er.

Make mine spici-er please!

True Texans know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken.

More like rubber chicken.  Yes, I’ve had it and yes, it tastes like chicken.

True Texans know exactly how and where armadillos sleep: in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

Those darn critters sleep a lot!

Say the word “dinner” to a true Texan and they will look at you like you’ve grown another head.  There’s only lunch and then there’s supper.

To this day I still have no idea what dinner refers to.  Maybe someone can enlighten me.  Is it the meal you eat at noon or in the evening?

“Jeeet?” is an entire phrase.  Translation: “Did you eat?”

Texans are very concerned about their fellow neighbor, if you go somewhere where there is food involved, please, please, please eat it no matter if you’re hungry or not.  We get very upset and offended if anyone leaves with an empty stomach.  Another form is “Joo” as in “Did you…”  example “Joo go to the store yet?”

Image Credit: campingfriend.com

True Texans live by the creed.  “If you don’t like the weather in Texas, just wait a minute.”  A true Texan has had to switch from heat to A/C more than once in the course of a day.

It’s amazing how true this is.  I’ve seen it where it will be raining on one side of the street and completely clear on the other side.

Ask a true Texan to list the names of the seasons:  Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

It’s hot here y’all!

True Texans know that a carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop; it’s a Coke regardless of the brand or flavor.

I’ll never forget a story a friend of mine told me.  She moved to Texas from Boston.  The first time she went to a fast food place and asked for a Coke the cashier asked her what kind.  She was shocked that she had gone all of her life and didn’t know there was more than one flavor of Coke.

No one in Texas would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

I left this one here for a “pity me” moment.  The A/C in my car is currently out!  It’s horrible, I hate it!

True Texans know that asphalt has a liquid state.

And it’s a pain in the patootie to get off the car!

True Texan mosquitoes have landing lights

Seriously, those things could probably pick up and carry off a doberman.

A Texan’s beloved family pet is the stray dog with one leg that came limping up to his front door years ago.

My parents actually have a three legged dog that strayed up about a year ago.  He was completely hairless too.  He’s become a very loved and welcome member of the family.

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