War Has Been Declared

To:  Ms Psycho IT lady who drives the white Lexus

From:  Your newest enemy and ultimately the victor of this war

CC:  The entire world, this is no small matter!

Re:  You’ve gone too far

You and I have been battling strongly for about a month now.  I don’t understand why, but for some reason you have taken it upon yourself to challenge me.  You know what I’m talking about.

I suppose you think it is funny when you beat me to work and take MY parking spot.  Maybe you feel like you have accomplished something by coming in earlier and earlier ever day.  First and foremost, let me tell you now, you will not reap the successes of this war, oh no, I will not be defeated.

The purpose of this memo is to let you know that you have gone too far this time.  I got your little “warning” yesterday and I failed to recognize its significance.  I thought it nothing more than just a nuisance, granted a very bothersome one, and passed it off as a coincidence.

How could you know my greatest weakness?  What Intel do you have access to that you were able to figure out my greatest fear and then use it against me?  Yes, I WAS scared yesterday when you sent your little messenger to threaten me but I looked adversity in the face and I smashed it!

I even made sure to take a picture of the evidence before I proceeded to crush[1] your accomplice.  Remember this little fellow…..?

I didn’t actually make the connection until this morning when I arrived to work earlier than normal and you were already here.  As I walked in through the doors, it automatically became apparent to me that your inside intelligence did their homework and advised you of the only thing in this world that has the capability of reducing me into a sniveling childlike being, laying on the ground in the fetal position, rocking back and forth and quietly humming “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”

I will have you know that even though you filled the bushes on either side of the door with your little friends, I will NOT be underestimated.  I will look my fear straight in the eye and continue to walk through that door morning after morning after morning.  I will NOT give up MY parking spot; you will not win this war.

I suggest you go ahead and do the right thing now and concede your defeat before I am forced to take desperate measures.  I will give you until 3pm this afternoon to call off your troops.  If you do not comply, there will be a price to pay

The clock has started, will you accept this challenge?



[1] No bees were harmed in the making of this memo.  That would require me to get close enough to it to touch it.  Please refer to this previous post to understand why that will never happen.


5 thoughts on “War Has Been Declared

    1. LOL. I’ve been terrified of those darn things for as long as I can remember. I think my mom passed it off to me. She used to be scared of them but I took it to another level.

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