I want to go ahead and apologize right now for what you are about to read. I’ve been quite worn out lately and the fact that I literally got 30 minutes of sleep last night (long story) is not helping me move any faster today. It almost feels like it’s the holiday season for me right now, between working late and visiting friends in the hospital, coupled with the already insanely busy schedule that is my life; I just haven’t had time to find peace. So just bear with me for the next few days and hopefully things will get better. If nothing else, I’m sure my exhaustion will eventually produce some horrendously funny stories.
In an effort to thrust myself out of my zombie-like state, I decided to heat up my lunch a little earlier than normal today. I opened a can of soup and poured it in my bowl, covered it with a paper plate, stuck it in the microwave for two minutes and decided to run to the restroom while I waited.
Upon returning to the kitchen area I found a crazy haired lady I have never seen before placing her frozen dinner in the very microwave that my soup was in. Seeing as there are a total of 4 working microwaves (I say working because there is a totally psycho one that continues to cook after you open the door) I found this to be fairly rude. Even if my food was done, the other three were empty, why would you remove someone elsea stuff when you can simply use an available machine? I don’t know you; I don’t want your grubby hands all over my soup!
As if it wasn’t bad enough that she was moving my cooked soup from the microwave, I looked at the machine just in time to see that it read 1:30 which she promptly reached up and cleared before setting the time she desired for her TV dinner.
So you’re telling me that you did NOT in fact take my soup out of the microwave after it had finished cooking but what you DID do was consciously see that there was something inside STILL cooking but you went through the motions to stop it, take it out and replace it with your food, and reset it?
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Who does this?
So in essence, my soup was allowed to cook 30 seconds and now I have to wait for a microwave because in all of this mess it seems the other three have conveniently been claimed. I thought for a moment about just eating it cold, which wouldn’t have been that bad, if you’re a regular reader here you know that I have odd eating habits and cold soup is not something that I find horribly disgusting but today was just one of those days that I needed that warm soup to make my insides jump around and do their happy dance so I could wake up and remove myself from Zombieland. (Dear third grade grammar teacher: Yes, I’m very well aware of the fact that the last extraordinarily long sentence was a run-on. No, I’m not changing it.)
I walked around in circles for a few minutes, holding my luke warm bowl of soup, I’m sure I must have looked like some sort of caged animal in the zoo. Finally, I sat at one of the tables and waited for a machine to open up. My stomach began to growl fiercely and I felt that if I did not feed it soon it would protrude through my belly button and eat everything in sight. Finally a machine opened up and I got up to use it.
That’s when it happened….
As I stood up from the table my stomach revolted, lashing out at the bowl of soup with the strength of a million angry lions. I jerked away trying to keep my stomach from succeeding and spilling cold soup all over my pretty little work clothes however this action was just a little slow and my stomach caught the very edge of the bowl, tipping it (thankfully) away from me. I was happy that I was not currently wearing my lunch but my celebration was short lived. I looked down in front of me to see that every last drop of my soup had managed to make its way onto the table and was not spilling onto the floor.
I stood there, hungry, annoyed, and hopeless. Crazy Hair walked out of the kitchen with an abnormally large smile on her face. I wanted to slap her. She looked at me, put her frozen dinner down on one of the tables and handed me ONE napkin. I wanted to scream at her, if she would have just left my soup alone in the first place I would have had a full belly by now and would happily be sitting back at my desk enjoying life.
Dear Crazy Hair: Thanks for ruining my day.
Does anyone have a $5 I can borrow for lunch???