Don’t Call Me Robert

I had a little fun at a stranger’s expense last night.  I’m quite glad because I needed something funny to talk about, with the last two whiny blogs I’ve written.  Sorry for that, it’s just been one of those weeks.  All I will speak to on the ramblings of the past is that my demon dog is pretty much 100% better and is back to destroying my house.  Thanks to all for the “well wishes” and prayers, I think we made it through!

Before I get to the actual topic today, allow me to make a random detour:

I read this blog the other day by one of my favorite bloggers, RFL.  I suggest you all read it as well or else this picture won’t make any sense.  After I read it I found myself in traffic with this guy and just couldn’t help myself from snapping a pic.

RFL, this is for you!

Okay, where were we? Oh, yes…making strangers lives miserable all for the sake of my own entertainment!

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I heard my phone go off telling me that I had a text message.  Turns out it was from an unknown number and the message read:

“Mom said she thought I was going to be in Pennsylvania.”

Have you ever been in that situation before where someone texts you and you don’t recognize the number but you’re not 100% sure that you don’t know the person?  Maybe it’s someone you haven’t talked to in awhile and you deleted their number.  Maybe (like in my case) you just recently got a new phone and you are worried that all of your numbers didn’t transfer over.  Whatever the case may be you don’t want to come out and say “Who the hell is this?” and it turns out to be someone important so you improvise a little.

See, I actually have a friend who is from Pennsylvania and she is that type of friend that you hear from everyday for a month then she drops off the face of the planet for three months, only to resurface and pick up right back where she left off as is she never went away.  So in the back of my head I was thinking this could be that friend.

I decided to try to see if I could figure out who this was by carrying on a conversation.

“Oh yeah?  What did you tell her?”

“Asked why would I be there.  Wish I could be though.  But I wouldn’t do that.”

At this point my interest peaked.  It is one thing to say “I told her I just didn’t have the money” but to throw in “I wouldn’t do that” had me very curious.  Why wouldn’t you do that?  Is there some major drama that I should know about?  Are you in charge of pushing some button every 108 minutes or else the world will end? (I know my boyfriend will be very proud of that reference)  What do you have going on that causes you to say you “wouldn’t” do that?  I was highly curious at this point and felt compelled to press on.

“Hmmm, wonder where she got that idea”

“Don’t know.  Probably just because I always go.  IDK”

“Well too bad you couldn’t”

“Kinda didn’t have a choice in the matter now did I?”

Oh this is getting good!  I almost sense bitterness in this last text.  Did I do something to this person to keep them from being able to go the Pennsylvania?  Am I such a terrible person that I don’t even remember doing such an awful thing to someone?  I decided to try and play it safe and reply with a neutral answer.

“Right, that’s true”

“Whatever that’s supposed to mean.  You obviously don’t care so, have a good night”

NOOOOO we can’t end this so soon, I have to loop them back in!

“I’m sorry, I’m just in a weird mood tonight, if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears”

“You just seem so distant lately, I thought we agreed that we were going to make things better.  Should I just not text you anymore?  How we were before?”

So now the thought goes through my mind.  I have had this phone number for nearly 6 months now and this is the first time this number has texted me.  Yet this person is telling “me” that I’m being distant.  You haven’t contacted ME in over 6 months and you are calling ME distant?

Ummm, okay, maybe I was starting to take it a little personal at this point.  Need to bring it back to a pleasant conversation, must find out what I did to keep this person from traveling to PA.

“No, I enjoy hearing from you.”

“Well why are acting like that?”

“Like what?  How do you expect me to act?”

“I just feel like you’re bs-ing me.  I should’ve never started talking to you again”

Do you ever feel like you’ve been stuck in the middle of a soap opera? At this point my mind was racing, trying to find out what type of person I was talking to.  I concluded that since they were getting this upset over this tiny little conversation, they obviously weren’t a very strong person.  I bobbled back and forth on whether or not I should try to be sensitive or if I should call this person out.  Sometimes we don’t realize we are being ridiculous and slightly childish and it takes another person to tell us that we need to take a step back and chill for awhile.

I obviously chose the wrong words to do this…

“You’re just being paranoid”

“And you’re being rude.  Bye Robert!”

Hmmmm, Robert?  I definitely don’t know this person.

“Don’t call me that, it’s not my name.”

I’m being honest at this point at least

“Oh?  And just what is your name?”

“That’s irrelevant, you can call me Hobart the Destroyer.”

“Really? ROBERT??!”

“I told you that’s not my name”

I’m really trying.

“Okay, Hobart, I don’t know what I did to you to make you be such an *** to me but I’m done, I’m never talking to you again.  Bye.”

I decided to just give up and give in.


About 20 minutes later, my phone went off again.

“What the **** is your problem?  Why are you being such a freaking ***?  You really need to grow up and grow some balls.  I hope you rot in hell. Bye, don’t talk to me again”

Well that wasn’t very nice, but I decide to ignore it, just obeying their wishes.  Five minutes later….

“Quit ignoring me you ***!  I worked really hard to change and get this relationship back with you, and all you want to do make fun of it, you’re really something you know?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, you told me bye and not to talk to you anymore.  Besides, I told you I’m not Robert”

“You’re not even going to try and fight are you?  Bye!”

Awww, I’m almost sad that this conversation is over, but I’m sleepy and ready to go to bed.  About an hour later, after I’m sound asleep, my phone starts screaming at me again.  I’m shocked because my phone is almost always on silent but for some reason, I must have turned the volume up without thinking about it.

“I just don’t get you, you really need to get a life.  I can’t stand you anymore, any chance of us ever having a relationship is shot.  Why won’t you talk to me?”

“You told me not to talk to you anymore, why are you still texting me?  You woke me up and I don’t appreciate it.  And for the last time, this is not Robert, it’s Hobart.”

I guess they finally got the point because that was the last I heard of them.  This morning I was feeling guilty, what if I really did ruin this person’s life, they obviously didn’t believe that I wasn’t Robert so I decided to try once again to convince them that they had the wrong number.

“Hi there, I’m sorry that you seemed awful upset last night and I know you don’t believe me but whoever Robert is, I’m not him.  I think you should try to find another way to contact him and hopefully work on whatever relationship the two of you have.”

“Whatever Robert, I’m done with you.”

I may have been wrong but in my defense, I really did try to tell this person that they had the wrong number; it’s not my fault that they don’t believe me.  I probably should have never let it go on this long but I honestly thought at first that it could be someone I knew and when I realized that my name isn’t Robert, I tried to correct the situation….not my fault some people just don’t get sarcasm.  Oh well.


9 thoughts on “Don’t Call Me Robert

    1. I really wish I knew how this person was related to Robert. I can pretty much guess why they stopped talking. This person sounds like an insanely needy, paranoid, whiny, brat! I am probably doing Robert a favor!

  1. haha nice talk on the phone 😉 always nice to talk to strangers…. once again, you are a great writer, you can always make me laugh 😉
    glad to hear that your dog is alive and well again 🙂

    1. I felt a little guilty at first but then I realized that if they had gone 6 months without speaking to this person, they obviously didn’t have much of a relationship to begin with.

      And yes, my dog is completely back to normal, I almost wish he was still sick, he is the worst dog I’ve ever had but I’m attached to the little jerk….If I didn’t think I was before, my bank account says otherwise!

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