Hi, My Name is Sam, and Quite Frankly, I’m a Nutcase (Part One)

I looked at the word count for this and it seems I got a little carried away.  For that reason I’ve decided to break this up into more than one post.  I’m not exactly sure how many there will be, at least two but I know once tomorrow rolls around I will think of something else that I forgot that I just have to tell you all about.  Nothing like airing out your dirty laundry! 

 

I’ve decided to make this first post all about my eating habits, which are probably the most quirky things about me.  Tomorrow we will touch on the non-food related crazy things that I do!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It rained all night last night and into this morning, in fact I walked out a few minutes ago and it was still coming down.  I normally love a good rain shower, there’s nothing quite like sitting on your front porch listening to the rain.  It really is quite calming…until you have to drive to work in it.

 

I don’t know if it’s the rain or the fact that I was 14 minutes late to work (those of you who are regulars here know that what that really means is I was about 30 minutes late by my standards) but I’m just in a weird funk today.  I’m not really tired or in a bad mood, I just feel off.  So much so that I’m actually drinking coffee, something I just don’t do, unless it has about half a cup of ice in it.

 

Yes, I said ice.  For whatever reason, I just can’t stomach hot beverages; I’m just quirky that way.  In fact, I’ve wanted to write a blog about my quirkiness for sometime, I’ve started it a couple times but then something else will trump it and it will get put on the back burner.

 

I would imagine this will be an insanely comical blog to those who know me and have witnessed the weird things I do first hand and I hope those of you who don’t know me on a personal basis won’t get terrified and decide to “un-follow” me.

 

I originally made this an “Amelia” guest post.  She seemed to be a pretty big hit last time she showed up and believe me, she has a darn good time making fun of me, it’s what she does best.  I hit a writer’s block however, and decided to re-write the whole thing so here it is!

 

 

 

Hot or Cold?

 

I'll take that coffee with a little less steam please! Credit: fanpop.com

I’ve already told you that I can’t do hot beverages (I do the same thing with hot chocolate by they way) but it’s pretty much an across the board type thing.  What do I mean by this?  Basically, I do everything backwards.

 

Like most people, my first few years out on my own consisted of a strictly “Ramen Noodle” diet, so much so that I got very burnt out on them and didn’t eat them for years.  I recently started eating them again, just not like most people.  I eat Ramen three different ways:

  • I will cook it according to the package directions for 3 minutes in the microwave, mix my sauce pack and throw some ice in there to cool it off
  • I will make it with cold water and not cook it at all, let it sit for about 10 minutes so the noodles soften a bit and then have at it (this is my favorite way actually)
  • Mix noodles and sauce packet and eat them dry

 

I just don’t like things that are supposed to be hot to be overly hot.  I’m more of a lukewarm type person.  In fact, if I bring leftovers for lunch, very rarely will I heat them up and if I do, it’s only for a few seconds.

 

 

To part or not to part?

 

Everything has it's place... Credit: Healthykidsplate.com

So as if it’s not strange enough that I’m picky about the temperature of my food, probably my strangest habit is the way I eat.

 

I’m just going to put it out there and be blunt; I’m an extreme section eater.  I have no idea if that’s a real thing or not but I do know that there are people out there that call themselves section eaters.  We are not overly popular but also not as rare as you may think, in fact, I’d be willing to bet that someone reading this knows a section eater.

 

Section eaters will only eat one thing at a time.  So if you have a plate of steak, corn, and potatoes, they will eat all of their steak at once, then all of the corn, then all of the potatoes as opposed to taking a bite of each here and there.  I have no idea why we do this, and if I had a penny for every time I’ve heard “it all goes to the same place” you would never be graced with my blogs because I would be so wealthy I would be out traveling the world.

 

The thing is, it doesn’t matter where it all goes, what matters is I don’t want to mix the tastes which, to me, is the more important part of eating.  I’m not nearly as bad as some section eaters though, some people freak out if their food touches, thankfully I can deal with that.

 

So then, why do I call myself and extreme section eater?  Because I take it to another level.

 

Pretend that you and I go somewhere for a burger.  Are you pretending?  I don’t see your eyes closed.  Close them!  NOW!  Okay…we are eating our burgers and this is what you will witness going on on my side of the table.

 

  1. I will eat the entire outside edge of the burger just as a burger is meant to be eaten, all together, but just the outside (imagine just the crust if it were a sandwich)
  2. I will set the burger down, take the top bun and eat it, then eat the bottom bun
  3. I will eat the lettuce, then tomatoes, then pickles
  4. If it is a cheeseburger I will peel the cheese off the meat
  5. Finally, I will eat the meat

 

I pretty much do this for everything that I eat.  If I eat a salad, I will pick through and eat all of one thing at a time, things that come with some sort of breading will have that outer covering removed, and lasagna is eaten in layers.

 

Have I run you all off yet?

 

 

 

No bones about it

 

Do you mind taking those bones out? Credit:Whatscookingamerica.net

If you ever invite me to your house for dinner, let me just save you some trouble right now.  Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT attempt to feed me chicken of any kind unless you have removed all of the bones.  I simply will not eat it.  I have nothing against chicken in fact, I can tear up some chicken strips but there is just something about those tiny little poultry bones that makes my stomach turn.  I assume I would be the same way with other fowl like duck and turkey but I’ve never had duck and I don’t care much for turkey.  Any other meat, I’m fine, I have absolutely no issue gnawing the heck out of some ribs, bone and all.

 

(To Be Continued)

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