Dear Mr. Previous Resident: Are You My Stalker?

I bought my house almost three years ago (will be three years on July 15 to be more exact), and to this date, I still get mail from the people who lived here before me.  Just the other day I got this:

Uh Oh! Someone's in TROUBLE!!! (Side note, I love that tickets for the city of Fort Worth come from Arizona)


You have no idea how badly I wanted to open this one but I did my civic duty and wrote “Return to Sender” on it and stuffed it back in my mailbox.  It brings up so many questions though.  How are you still driving your car around and you haven’t changed the registration to your new address after three years?  Obviously I know that there are ways around this but seriously?


I also get free magazines in their name, I’ve been getting free Redbook magazines since the day I moved in and never has a bill been sent to my house.  I know that the honest thing to do would be send them back and contact Redbook and let them know that they have the wrong address but, if no one is questioning it and they are being sent to my house, why shouldn’t I read them?  Just recently I started receiving several more magazines: National Geographic, People, Reader’s Digest, Popular Science….you’d think by now I would be a cultural guru.

I also got these in the mail last week, which I had a ton of fun with on Facebook…pretty sure at least 40% of my friends think I’m getting married now.


The final straw was when I came home on Saturday and had a notice on my door stating that the police had been to my residence looking for Mr. Previous Owner in order to arrest him for an outstanding warrant.  You can imagine my shock when I first saw the notice.  Thankfully the cops were kind enough to put the person’s name on the darn thing or else I would have been freaking out, thinking I went off and did something very bad while I was sleep walking!


I’m wondering if I should do something or not.  It gets annoying sometimes having to re-send the stuff that comes to my house that doesn’t belong to me.  Part of me says I should just stop, it’s not my fault the morons never changed their address but then I start feeling guilty, especially with the stuff that is obviously bills and things that they should be aware of.  Then I start convincing myself that there’s really nothing that anyone can do about it; they can’t prove that I ever received anything.  And even another part of me, the paranoid part, thinks that maybe this former resident is watching me to see if I re-send their mail.  Like, they planted these things and are waiting to see if I open them or not, and when I do they will jump down from the roof and attack me.


Well, okay, maybe I don’t believe that but it would be an exciting thing to blog about wouldn’t it?




So Mr. Previous Resident, if you are reading this, let me tell you now.  If you want your magazines I have them stacked neatly on the bookshelf and from now on, if you want to pay your bills, I will keep them for three days before throwing them away.  And for the love of all things holy, please, please, please, contact the police and pay for your warrants, I’m done with my quota of police visits this year.


Last but not least Mr. Previous Resident, please change your address….it’s free!


3 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Previous Resident: Are You My Stalker?

    1. Aww…yay! That makes me feel good because that’s honestly what the point of this blog is to do, to make people laugh and feel good about their lives! Thanks for the comment!

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