Let me start by saying, this is not one of my favorite posts that I’ve ever written. I don’t particularly care for the “me” posts and I would much rather write something satirical and humorous but I just felt I needed to get this off my chest. Those of you that don’t like long winded, whiny, “me, me, me” posts, I won’t be offended if you don’t read this. In fact, if no one reads this at all, I’ll be okay. I don’t even like the way I formed this one grammatically, it just seems childish and stale so, if you’re brave enough to continue on, be my guest, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!
I’ve heard it said, “If you love your job then you will never work a day in your life”. That statement may be true and for those of you lucky enough to be in that situation I say “Good for you”, but for the rest of us that belong to the 98% who don’t, I sympathize with you.
On the outside, I’ve got it pretty good, and let me clarify before going further that I know I am blessed. I have a great family, great friends, a great boyfriend, (I have to give him credit from time to time or else I get called out), and I am lucky enough to have a roof over my head and a car to get me from “here to there”. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m taking anything for granted because I’m really not, but we all get frustrated from time to time.
I often wonder why it is that I actually work. Isn’t the purpose of having a job to be able to pay for the things you have? I suppose so, but isn’t the purpose of having things to enjoy them and be thankful for them?
I may be a pretty boring person for the most part but I do have a few things that I enjoy doing and really wish I had more time for, namely my dogs and horses.
When I got my first dog, Piper, I had nothing but time on my hands. I could literally walk to work from my apartment, my parents lived in another state, and I pretty much had no social life. Because of that, I was able to spend a huge amount of time with Piper, sometimes taking her to the park two or three times a day.
Now it’s not so easy. I still have Piper as well as two other dogs, Mama Sue and Winston. Generally three dogs would require three times the attention, and that’s pretty true, problem is, I just don’t have the time for them that I think they deserve.
I leave my house every morning between 530 and 545 in order to get to my job by 7. Sadly, it normally takes the entire hour and a half to get there. I spend my entire day wasting away in front of a computer, usually leaving between 4 and 430 which puts me home around 6. Now, let’s do the math on that for a minute- that means I’m away from home for 12 and a half hours a day. (That’s assuming that traffic isn’t a nightmare)
Thankfully, the days are starting to get longer but during the winter when I get home at 6, I literally have time to change out of work clothes, let the dogs in/out, depending on where I left them during the day, and get back in my car and drive to my parents house to feed horses before it gets too dark outside to see what I’m doing.
That may not sound all that bad but the problem with the horses is that my step dads horse is a very dominant, alpha mare who thinks it is her duty to make sure that no one except for her is allowed to eat. Because of her superiority issues, the horses have to be separated one by one and fed separately. This would be no problem if we still had a barn with stalls but we don’t. So I have to take them out, one at a time, tie them up somewhere and let them eat. I always thought Cheyenne was the world’s slowest eating horse, until Stetson came along. That horse can take 2 hours to eat sometimes, I’m pretty sure he does it on purpose. He knows I’m waiting for him to finish so he makes it a point to take his time. He’s a jerk like that anyways!
So, by the time I get home it’s usually around 8 or 9 which is pretty much time to go to bed since I have to be up so darn early in the morning. I usually take one dog with me when I go to the parent’s house, usually rotate them out. I can’t take all of them because my parent’s have a TON of dogs and it just becomes a catastrophe if I add three more to the mix. Recently I’ve been taking Winston more often and he and I will jog up and down the street while we are waiting for the horses to finish, I’ve enjoyed doing that, it gives me some exercise as well as causes Winston to sleep when we get home.
I feel guilty most of the time because I have some really good dogs (aside from Winston, I promise one day you guys who don’t know what a terror he is will get a good Winston story). They deserve so much more of my time than I have and I just wish I could give it to them.
I mentioned the horses already but I still feel jilted when it comes to them. I feel like the only time I spend with them is during feeding and I just don’t have time to do what I really want to do with them, which is ride. I hate warmer weather but I’m actually looking forward to summer this year. At least with longer days I might have a chance to saddle up in the evenings and go for a short ride.
I’m very much a loner in most things however; I’ve found that riding with someone else can be pretty satisfying. For one thing, horses seem to behave better when they are with at least one other of their kind. I love my Cheyenne to death but she is a living being and she has a mind her own (I wouldn’t have it any other way) and she has a tendency to be a little bratty from time to time. She knows that I’m not completely comfortable being out with her by myself and she takes advantage of that sometimes.
I’ve been around horses for quite awhile now, we got my parent’s horses, Tip and Mama, about 8 years ago and I got Cheyenne about 3 years ago. My step dad made a living as a cowboy, working cattle on some big ranches in north and central Texas. When he met my mother and they bought Tip, I was ecstatic. Like most little girls growing up, I always wanted a pony, I didn’t care that I was now in my 20s, I finally had a pony.
At first, we didn’t ride much because we were living in Louisiana at the time and it was always raining. When we finally were able to start riding we would go on quick little rides in circles around the arena, never doing much more than just playing around. I never really got any kind of formal training but at the time, I didn’t really care. Now that it’s several years later, it annoys me that I can’t ride like I think I should be able to. I’m very nervous when we get into anything faster than a good trot. My step dad has lost interest in helping me learn how to ride properly…in fact he never really had any interest; he just threw me in the saddle and said “have fun”.
I could really use some help learning how to deal with them all together. Stetson is coming up on 2 now and doesn’t have any kind of ground manners. When he was first born, we worked really hard to imprint him and work on ground manners. As the year went on I let it slip and I was constantly told “we need to start doing this or that with him” but since I’ve never experienced anything like raising a foal, I just sat around and waited for someone to tell me what to do, which never happened.
The other night, my ignorance culminated into what could have been disaster. When I was taking him out to eat he started tossing his head, kicking, bucking, and trying to bite at me. I pulled up the slack in his lead rope and turned him to face me at which point he reared back jerking the rope out of my hands and lashed out at me with his front hooves. At this point I did the number one thing I know I shouldn’t have; I walked away and let him go about on his way. It was the first time I’ve ever been scared around the horses, I’ve been bucked off, gotten kicked in the side (on accident), and none of that ever phased me, but this time, I found myself helpless and terrified.
The next day I got a call stating that I was no longer responsible for taking care of Stetson and I should not mess with him anymore. That’s absolutely NOT the solution I wanted. I’m not just going to run the first time one of the horses does something to scare me. He’s my horse and I feel like I have the right to learn how to deal with him…..maybe I’m wrong.
I think I’ve decided that I’m going to try and find a riding partner. I go with my church any time that we have a trail ride or something like that, which I absolutely love, but that only happens two or three times a year but I need someone that lives close and can come over a few times a week and ride with me. They don’t even have to have a horse, they can ride Tip for all I care, I just need someone that knows horses that can ride with me on a regular basis.
I guess the main rant of this blog is that I just get so annoyed that my life is consumed with things related to work…even when I’m not working. Perhaps one of these day’s I will find something closer to home that pays what I need it to, I’d even take a pay cut if I could avoid driving 120 miles a day.