Jeep Man and Civic Woman Had Babies?

I really am a pretty easy-going person, I promise!  Just ask anyone who spends any amount of time with me, it takes a lot to get my blood boiling.  I like to tell people that know both me and my mother that if you imagine the exact opossite of me, you will get mom, and vice versa.

 

My mother, God rest her soul, is a very, ummm, how should I put this delicately?….Opinionated soul.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the woman to death and she has been an excellent mom to me, I wouldn’t trade her for the world but she absolutely has an opinion about everything, a very STRONG opinion at that, and she will not rest until everyone has heard it and has agreed to change all of their views to align perfectly with hers.  This of course means that once everyone has become part of her drone army, she has to change her opinion because, it’s just no fun if no one will fight with you!

 

I, on the other hand, tend to conform and try to understand both sides of every story.  This character of mine is one reason I’m always getting in trouble with my mother.  Being an only child, when mom gets mad at my step dad and needs someone to talk to, I’m pretty much the only resource.  I learned a long time ago that there really is no winning an argument with someone as bullheaded as my mother but it sure is fun to make her think she’s losing!

 

So you would think by now that she is used to the fact that I don’t always completely side with her.  Yes, I see her point of view but I also see the other side of things too.  See, my mom has a tendency to nag and drill the same thing, over and over and over until you finally reach a breaking point.  Bobby is pretty quick tempered as well so it really doesn’t take long for this to happen,  In fact, they are a pretty volatile mixture.

 

Anyways, my point of this blog really isn’t about my mother, I just wanted to make a point that I understand there are two extremes out there and most people do fall closely to my mom’s side.  I am somewhat of a rare breed.  When I say it takes a lot to get me going, I mean it takes A LOT.  Trust me, people have tried and failed.  I just learned early in life that there really isn’t a whole lot out there that’s worth getting so upset over.  Am I immune to stress?  Absolutely not!  Just come talk to me at the first of the month when I’m paying bills.  But I also learned that there are a lot of things in life that you have no control over and there is no point in making yourself sick over something you can’t change.  If you need to control something so badly, why not focus your energy on something that you can actually have some sort of effect on?

 

All this talk about stress and anger management aside, there are some things that have a way of “pushing my buttons” easier than others.

 

One of these things is ignorant people.

 

There are two types of ignorant person; the first type is the Stupid Ignorant.  Stupid Ignorants are the kind that I find a little easier to tolerate.  These are the ones that, for whatever reason, are incapable of completely comprehending the environment in which they have been thrust into.  Somewhere in their evolutionary lineage a step was missed.  Someone forgot to cross the “I’s” and dot the “T’s” (yes that was intentional) and their hereditary paperwork was filed incomplete.  We all know one or two or twenty of these S.I.’s, their characteristics can be most closely compared to that of a chimpanzee.  The chimp wants to excel but it just doesn’t have the mental ability to do so.  Therefore, since it is of no fault of their own, I can usually learn to forgive an S.I.

 

Closely related to the S.I. (and sometimes these two actually overlap each other) is the O.I. or Oblivious Ignorant.  O.I.’s are normal members of the general population; they have learned to think and integrate their ideas properly and have the normal amount of intelligence it takes to be “normal”.  In many cases, O.I.’s are very successful individuals and because of this, you can not point them out simply by looking at them or interacting with them for brief periods of time.  In fact, Oblivious Ignorance is unique in that it does not show itself all the time.  This gets a little confusing so let me give you an example.

 

I probably have the worst luck with tires of anyone on the face of the planet.  Seriously, I wish I would have been keeping track of how many tires I’ve had to replace in the last year alone, I’m pretty sure I could achieve my 15 minutes of fame in the “Guinness Book” .

 

So, this past weekend I went to the tire shop to replace my two front tires that are getting pretty slick and, as luck would have it, they didn’t have the right size.  Since I had a very busy day I didn’t really have time to go anywhere else so I decided to just wait and try to find somewhere this week (they still haven’t been changed btw) and continue to “baby” them and add air as needed. Knowing this, I made sure to leave enough time on Sunday morning to swing by my local QT (because they have free air) and put air in them so I would be okay the rest of the day.  Luckily only one of them had started to go down and it was still aired up enough to drive a little ways.

 

When I arrived at QT,  I noticed a lady in a Honda Civic was at the air station and, since I needed gas as well, figured I would go ahead and fill up while waiting for her, it doesn’t take that long to put air in a tire after all.  As I was pumping gas in my car I noticed that the entire group of passengers had exited the car and was sitting in the grass next to the car, including the lady, and no one was using the compressor.  I thought this fairly strange because Sunday morning was quite chilly and the girls in the party were bundled from head to toe and shivering.  I just shook my head and turned my attention back to the gas pump.

 

As I completed my fill up, another car pulled in behind the Civic, blocking it in and also blocking access to the compressor completely.  My first thought was that someone else was there to get air and I thought nothing of it, I still had plenty time to get to church anyways.  As I pulled out of the fuel bay, I noticed that the man in the new car, a jeep, seemed to know the Civic woman.  I later came to the conclusion that it was her husband or boyfriend, am I right? Who cares!

 

This is where I started to get rather annoyed because it appeared that she had called her husband (that’s what I’m calling him, deal with it) to put air in her tires.  Seriously?  Is it that hard to air up a tire?  Even if she had never done it before in her life, no one else in the party took the time to figure it out?

 

I’m pretty sure that the girls were her daughters; which from that we can deduce that Civic Woman understands the concept of sex.  I know we have all been to a hardware store and understand that certain tools have “male and female” components.  We are all  adults here (if not, stop reading) and understand the piece that goes INSIDE the other piece is the male, and we all understand where this logical reasoning comes from.  So, assuming that Civic Woman has had sex, and has had children, she understands that the male goes in the female.  How hard would it have been then, to look at the valve stem on her tire and realize that it obviously resembles a certain piece of the male anatomy and that the air compressor has a part on the end that likewise resembles the female anatomy and they actually fit together quite nicely?

 

You know what; I’ll even chalk everything up to this put to Stupid Ignorance.  I mean, sexual tendencies are an instinctive thing right?  So considering the fact that the great apes and even the lowly sea slug are able to figure out how to have sex (yes, I know sea slugs are hermaphrodites, roll with me here) we can assume that even S.I.’s are capable of doing so as well.  But what happened next is just ridiculous.

 

Keep in mind that after Jeep Man arrived, the compressor was completely blocked in so there was no way for me to just pull in and start using it.

 

Jeep Man now has been briefed on what the problem is.  He nods his head and begins to walk around the car, making sure to look at every detail.  Civic Woman follows him and listens intently as he points and explains something.

 

Finally!  Someone who knows what they are doing!

 

On his third trip around the car, Jeep Man finally stops, walks back to the compressor and pushes the button to turn it on.  He walks toward the front driver side tire, bends down, takes the cap off the valve stem and proceeds to air the tire up.

 

Two seconds later, he stands up and walks the air hose back to its housing, walks around the car two more times and then stops again at the same tire, leans down, looks it over, and says something to Civic Woman who now begins furiously digging around in the trunk and eventually produces a jack and spare tire.

 

From where I’m sitting the tire doesn’t appear to be flat but I’m just happy to see that something is going to be done to rectify the situation.  Jeep Man proceeds to jack the Civic up and remove the tire and replace it with the spare.

 

Yay!  We are done!……Not so much.

 

Now that the spare is on, Jeep Man take the “flat” to the air hose and begins to air it up.  Once it has reached maximum inflation, he goes back to the spare and jacks the car up AGAIN, takes the spare off and puts the original tire back on.

 

Yay!  Now we are done!….Not so much.

 

Now Jeep Man goes to the rear driver side tire, runs his hand around it and again jacks the car up, and replaces the tire with the spare.

 

At this point, I’m getting very irritated so I get out of my vehicle (in case they haven’t seen me sitting there patiently) and go up to them to ask if I can use the compressor for 30 seconds to air up my ONE tire.

 

Now, I don’t want this to come out sounding offensive so let me just say, I am far from being racist and I honestly believe that we are all created equally regardless of the color of our skin or what country we came from.  That being said, as I walked up to the couple and proposed my offer, it was returned with blank looks and finally “No Habla Inglis”

 

I DON’T CARE IF YOU SPEAK ENGLISH OR NOT!!!  We are sitting at an air pump, this is where you put air in your tires, I have been sitting here for 45 minutes now with a half flat tire, WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK I WANT TO DO, TAKE YOU TO DINNER???

 

You know how an extremely frustrating situation eventually starts to turn comical?  That’s where I am at this point.  The actions that are taking place in front of me are now becoming so much like a circus that I can actually hear Thunder and Blazes (you know, the clown music Doot doot doodle oodle doot doot doo doo…) playing in the background.

 

Finally, after replacing each, and I do mean each, tire on the car with the spare and airing it up, Jeep Man and Civic Woman finally load up and leave.  I pull forward, hop out, air my tire up, and leave the scene in less than a minute.  Sure, I could have left and found another station to take care of my situation but there was a point that needed to be made and if it had to come at the cost of me being late to church, it was one worth making!

 

So to conclude (I know this has been a rather long post, sorry!)  if you are ever confronted face to face with Oblivious Ignorance, simply take a deep breath, sit back, and pretend it’s just another day at the circus!

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