To the Future Sam, In All Your Fabulous-ness

To My Future Self

Dear Me (10-15 years from now)

2012 will be here in just a few days and I just thought that I would write me a note to help me remember certain things about what I have accomplished thus far.  Hopefully I will make it long enough to read this, assuming that the world will NOT end on December 21 and everyone is really just freaking out because long ago when the Mayans were chiseling away at the calendar they just got tired and ended on 12/21/2012 (Seriously, would you want to record thousands of years of the same dates, over and over, with just a stone and chisel?)

The common theme among blogs these last few days has been to sit back and reflect on what 2011 meant and what we hope to accomplish in the future.  I have never been one to follow suit and usually find some other way to approach a common theme but I think it’s important to understand where I was at a certain point in my life and realize how the things in my past got me to my future.

That being said I wanted to write me and give me a few warnings about the future that I have learned from my past.

1.  Regardless of how tempting it may seem, I should NEVER, EVER, EVER, jokingly tell my parents that I want a puppy when I know good and well I don’t need another dog!  (Remember Winston?  Have I killed that little S-O…I mean sweet little angel?)

Remember this face? Evil little mongrel

2.  If someone on horseback is riding towards me at a high rate of speed and yells “Get out of the way!” I probably should consider taking 4 paces to the left.

3.  When the fuel light on my dashboard comes off, then on, then off, then on, then starts frantically blinking, I should probably look for signs of civilization.  I probably don’t have to worry about that though right?  I’m sure by this time in the future there are flying cars that are fueled off crocodile tears or something.  We may have missed our chance in 2001 but surely by 2022 we will have figured that one out.  We are the dominant species after all right?

I kinda like looking at this thing!

4.  Always remember that I never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.  (You didn’t expect me to be serious did you?)  Never lose sight of the things that are important to me and never allow pressure to break me down.  It’s ok to step back and take the time to deal with things on my own time; no one can make me think otherwise.

5.  I should never let a horse stomp on my foot.  It hurts!

Even the small ones have super heavy feet!

6. A good sense of humor will get me far in life.  Up until this point, I’ve always considered myself to have a pretty good sense of humor.  I may be one sarcastic bitch but people seem to like that for the most part.  I hope future me has retained this quality.

7.  No matter how cute they are, I DO NOT need a baby llama.

Well, okay…maybe one!

8.  No matter how much she drives me crazy, I have the best mother ever!

9.  Not everyone understands just why I have to eat one thing at a time.

10.  I can burn all the bridges that I want to but for some reason those darn trolls never go away.

11.  I should change the oil in my car BEFORE the little oil can comes on.

12.  I am supposed to clean the filters on my home air conditioner at least more than once every 3 years.

13.  Grease will catch on fire if I leave it on the stove for an hour

14.  If I don’t check the batteries in the smoke detectors.  They WILL go off randomly at the most ungodly hour of the night.

15.  Wet paint signs are usually there for a reason

16.  I should never attempt to change a light by putting a barstool on top of empty boxes

17.  If I fall down the stairs and bust my head open, people won’t believe me and will call the cops to come and arrest my boyfriend.  (Even if I don’t have one at the time)

18.  McDonalds doesn’t appreciate it when I pay at the drive-thru with pennies

19.  I will never be as strong as I pretend to be.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  Yes, I am a pretty thick skinned person and don’t let emotions get me down but it’s okay to realize that I am human from time to time.

20.  Even though I really am JUST joking.  Some people are sensitive and just don’t know how to take my sarcastic, witty, and sometimes cold, sense of humor.  Keep this in mind around certain people and try to be softer, even if it’s not as funny.

21.  No matter how advanced the human race becomes, stupid people will always reign supreme

22.  Skinny girls will always have cute clothes that me and will always look better in the clothes that I already have.  Get used to it.

23.  Boys will never out grow their toys.  My current boyfriend (God knows what the situation will be 10 years from now…hehe) has a toy room in his house.  Don’t ever forget light saber fights and the hours I endured putting up with his playtime.

24.  Birds congregate in freakishly large numbers in the Wal-Mart parking lot from 3-6 am.

Alfred Hitchcock WHAT???

25.  It will always be acceptable to go into Wal-Mart in Spandex, a tube top, and “Hello Kitty” house shoes.  I get more respect if I weigh 800 pounds and haven’t washed my hair in 15 years.

I hope this letter has found me well all those years from when it was written.  Always remember that even though my past experiences got me to where I am today, they do not necessarily define me.  I have the chance at any given moment to change direction in my life and decide which path fits me the best.  It doesn’t matter what I thought, did , or felt in the past, all that matters is that I take things one step at a time.

Love,

My ever precocious and lovable self.

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