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The Great Fish Caper of 2012

11 May

This morning one of my co-workers came in with a very sad look on her face.  It didn’t take much probing to discover that someone or something had taken all of her fish out of the fish pond and she was very distraught by this.  My co-workers (not me of course, I’m innocent) have had a field day with joking about what we, err they, think happened to them.

 

Here is a snapshot of the crime scene.

 

Image Credit: wpclipart.com

  • 0630 May 10, 2012:  Victim goes outside to smoke a cigarette before leaving for word, all fish are present and accounted for
  • 0715 May 10, 2012:  Victim’s fiancé fed fish and left for work
  • 1620 May 10,2012:  Victim returns home and notices abnormally large black bird in back yard
  • 1930 May 10,2012:  Victim went to count fish (apparently this is something she does regularly) and noticed that all 12 were missing, killer/kidnapper left no trace
  • 0630 May 11,2012:  Victim goes outside to smoke cigarette and once again looks in the pond hoping fish were just hiding, pokes the water with a stick and dumps fish food in pond, still no fish

 

Assuming that the fish were stolen/killed/eaten, here is a list of the possible subjects:

 

  • The abnormally large blackbird – This is a long shot, these were apparently pretty good sized fish, too big for a blackbird to carry off, there would be evidence
  • A neighborhood cat – So far no neighbors have called in complaining of cats with indigestion from eating a dozen fish
  • A raccoon – Seems feasible however, based on the timeline above and the knowledge that raccoons are nocturnal, not likely
  • An owl – Again, nocturnal
  • A hawk – Very feasible however hawks are solitary creatures and the likelihood of one hawk eaten 12 fish seems a little far fetched
  • A crane/heron – Big bird, could easily consume that number of fish but not that common in victims neighborhood, would have to have been a “per chance” encounter)
  • The meter man – The victim is dead set that the guy came to read her meter yesterday and carried along with him a giant buck of water for which to stock his own pond.  He would have had to carry this bucket in the back of his truck all day and not turn it over.  Also, he would be risking his job in order to obtain fish that he could easily purchase at the pet store for a nominal fee, unlikely.)
  • The co-worker who left early yesterday and lives close to the victim.  She also just bought a brand new car and called in late this morning claiming that she was having car trouble.  The tow truck that was en route to pick her up had a flat tire and she has yet to make it in to work.  Very suspicious.
  • Neighbors.  Perhaps young boys broke into the backyard and stole the fish, or maybe the neighbors were planning a fish fry and were too broke to go to the store.

 

 

Surely it wasn’t the cat!
Photo Credit: Visualphotos.com

We also have a few other theories that I think you will find are highly possible and not at all ridiculous.

 

  • Victim’s family “hid” the fish and are giving them a makeover complete with bows for the girl fish and tuxedos for the boy fish.  This is their Mother’s Day gift to her.
  • Victim un-friended the fish on Facebook making them angry.  They packed up all their belongings and ran away.
  • Fish mysteriously died and, in an effort to save the victim from seeing her the corpses of her beloved fish, her fiancé removed them from the pond and sneakily baked them in a casserole that he sent with her for lunch today
  • They are not gone for good, they are simply off attending a wedding
  • The fish never existed.  They were merely a figment of her imagination, and perhaps an extension of her persona made her believe that they were truly in her pond.  We have not concluded whether or not the pond exists

 

Whatever the case may be, the co-worker is highly distressed about the loss of her fish.  We are taking up a collection to get her some new replacements.

 

I’m curious.  What do you think happened to the fish?  Anyone have a fishpond at home?  I must say, now that I’ve seen hers (it really is cute) I’m itching to put one in my yard!

I could probably settle for looking out the window at this every day
Photo Credit: Designinteriorart.com

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7 Comments

Posted by on May 11, 2012 in humor

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 responses to “The Great Fish Caper of 2012

  1. crubin

    May 11, 2012 at 11:31

    That is too weird. Ain’t no one getting his paws on my blogging buddy fishy, that’s for sure. I call him Blogger Bass, though I might change that if I can come up with a more original fish that starts with a “B”. :)

     
    • sammerson

      May 11, 2012 at 11:43

      Hmmmm, B fishes? The only things I can think of are description words like blue or black-eye. Except maybe barracuda? Blogger Barracuda? Hmmm….

       
      • crubin

        May 11, 2012 at 11:48

        Ooh, I like that one! But on second thought, he’s awfully cute to label with that moniker. Plus, he might eat all of my M&Ms.

         
  2. Curly Carly

    May 11, 2012 at 18:35

    Too funny! My parents had a little fish pond in their backyard and a few years ago the fish would go missing all the time. we had lots of theories about what happened to it, but then once we saw a cat coming around regularly, we settled on blaming it.

     
    • sammerson

      May 11, 2012 at 19:00

      I think they’re really pretty and the one she has is very nice. I’m just afraid I wouldn’t have the time to take care of it and it would start smelling!

      We used to keep fish in the horse water trough because they would keep it clean by eating the algae and bits of hay and stuff the horses would drop in there while drinking. But when my Stetson was born and started getting his curious personality he would pull them out of the trough and throw them on the ground and play with them so we had to stop doing that!

       
      • Curly Carly

        May 11, 2012 at 19:01

        That’s so funny, I would never expect a horse to play with a fish!

         
      • sammerson

        May 11, 2012 at 19:44

        I don’t think he ever could understand why they wouldn’t play with him!

         

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